Changing My Approach to Filmmaking: Explore, Experiment, Reflect, Change, Retry, Results?

Man!!!

I'm excited!  I'm working on an idea for a future film project that I think is going to be freaking awesome!  Today, I finally rendered some preliminary results and was ecstatic after seeing the potential!  Unfortunately for you, I can't share any of the results yet, but I wanted to write about the experience.

Regarding the part of my life as a filmmaker- I don't even know if I'd call it my career yet- I feel like I haven't really been learning since I graduated from film school.  That's not entirely true, but my process or approach to filmmaking certainly changed then and has become rather stale.

In film school, everything I was seeing and doing was new.  I was learning.  I had the time to experiment with new ideas, try anything, fail, reflect, try something different.  There were no clients involved or money to be made.  Most importantly, the end result often didn't matter.  It was all about learning and taking time in the process.  And that made the process very rewarding at the personal level.

Since graduating, I learned a lot about the film industry and have made advancements in my writing and directorial work.  But in retrospect, my process to filmmaking now feels stagnant.  I realized, for the most part, I've been playing it safe.  For the majority of my work, I've been producing films for a client or for compensation with an end result in mind and a deadline to be met.  Although it can still be a creative process, it is not an artistic process.

I realize this is why I often think of myself as a creative, but not an artist.  I think, ideally, the artistic process should have few constraints in terms of time and results- granted, some constraints can be helpful as a creative challenge.

Many great artists have a "through-line" with their work: A certain direction, element, or theme that they are constantly exploring and building upon.  That is the important part: exploring.  Taking the time to try things, fail, reflect, improve, try a new direction.  You build upon results and don't settle at one result and hand it over to a client.  Most importantly, you are exploring and creating art primarily for yourself and no one else.

That is what I'm finally doing again: exploring.  I'm experimenting with my filmmaking technique.  I'm learning.  I know what I'm gonna try differently.  I'm taking my time.  I have ideas and directions for results, but there is no end point for the time being.  I'm doing it for myself and no one else.

And that makes it more of an artistic process that is incredibly exciting and rewarding.

I look forward to sharing!

Peace.

Change of Gratitude + Transportation: Run 13 Miles to Rent a Car to Hike a Mountain Top in the Rainforest

I live and work at the Ann Wigmore Natural Health Institute in Puerto Rico.  It's been a month, and I'll be here for two or three more.  I find very similar patterns of the environment here and myself as I did when I worked at the Creative Health Institute, or CHI, in Michigan last summer: The energy can fluctuate rapidly!  While working at a living foods health institute, it is very easy to go from soaring energy to bitter exhaustion in a short amount of time at unsuspecting intervals.  For me, The soaring energy comes from the rich health and nutrition of living foods.  This helps support the long work hours.  The increase in energy often leads to feeling great, trying to do too much, and then over doing it.  I work a lot, I exercise a lot, I read a lot, I think a lot, I want to be awake a lot... Then I forget to sleep a lot and the exhaustion sets in.  Then I rest, recover, repeat.

While all of this takes place, the guests go through their own experience:  Many are here for the 2 week program where they learn the living foods lifestyle and eat a 100% raw living foods diet.  Many are also new to the lifestyle.  This means at some point their body will begin to detox significantly.  When you eat well- for us that means raw living foods that are densely nutritious and easily digestible- you allow your body to detox more rapidly and productively.

Your body always tries to detoxify itself, naturally.  Although you may consume 100% pure organic food with no pesticides, hormones, or toxins, you will still intake toxic substances from unavoidable sources such as the air you breathe, some tap water, etc.  And some may be choosing to use avoidable substances like unnatural hygiene products, make-up, etc.  Even if you have been eating a high living foods diet for sometime, you will continue to detox, perhaps significantly from time to time.  A few detox symptoms include fatigue, lightheadedness, and irritability.

As a staff member, the challenge is trying to prevent myself from the often inevitable:  When your own symptoms of exhaustion align with the guests detoxing experience.  An occasional scenario for me is not sleeping much, working an exhausting 8-9 hour shift, where, regardless of your hard work, a few guests or more will be unhappy because they've been fasting on the same energy soup for a few days.  

I do understand how the guests feel, but it may not make it any easier.  I did a similar 2 week detox with energy soup fasting at CHI last summer.  I couldn't palette or look at energy soup by the third day.  Over a long duration though, the alkalizing high greens diet will alter the pH of your body while altering your taste buds.  I typically crave energy soup now.  It's a nutritional craving instead of a junk food craving.  While it is very difficult for any of the guests to believe that, it is also difficult for me to process the perceived lack of gratitude.  (Note:  By the end of the 2 weeks, guests typically feel better, joyous, and are very grateful!)

Exhaustion + Perceived Lack of Gratitude = Frustration.  When this frustration starts to set in, it's difficult to process the minute favors and requests that are often asked of you.  Since I basically live next to the kitchen, in the same building, these requests also come in frequently when I'm "off the clock" as well.  With this frustration, I essentially forget how grateful I am to be here in good health in Puerto Rico.  And that is unfortunate.  At this point, it is important to get off the grounds of the institute and take a day trip if my work schedule aligns.  However, it is also difficult to get around Puerto Rico without a car.  Riding a bicycle is kind of scary because the roads are narrow and poor, the drivers are crazy and there are several accidents.

BEGIN AWESOME ADVENTURE + RENEWAL OF GRATITUDE:

I get off work Saturday night and go out with some of the guests to a bomba in the nearby town of Isabella.  One of the guests is Kimberly Snyder, author of The Beauty Detox Solution.  I had the pleasure to hang with Kim and get to know her a bit.  It's hardly been a year since I started making major lifestyle changes in terms of the food from which I make my body and the exercise from which I play with my body.  Since I'm still trying new things, it's reaffirming to see Kim, a nutritionist in high demand from Hollywood's top A-List talent- it seems I'm making pretty good decisions. 

I am grateful for the many interesting and inspiring guests like Kim that come to AWNHI.

At the bomba, Kim and I play pool at the bar.

I am grateful that the pool table only costs one quarter!  I've never seen billiards this cheap in the states.

The bomba is awesome!

I am grateful for the incredible drummers!  Truly amazing!

On the way home, Kim and I think of getting out and going to El Yunque rainforest which is about a 2.5-3 hour drive.  We need to rent a car.

It costs about $25-35 to rent a car for the day.  However, it's a $40 one-way taxi to get to the car rental.  $80 in cab fare to rent a $25 car.  It's a waste of money on principle.  The next day I suggest a plan:

I WILL RUN 13 MILES TO THE AIRPORT AND RENT THE CAR!  BOOM!

I go to bed later then planned, about 11pm.  I wake at 3am.  I put on my shoes, my headlamp.  I fill my water bottle.  I put my license, credit card, and $5 in my bottle hand strap.  I get on the road about 3:30 am and start running.

I run roads for a few miles.  I run down the beach for several miles.  I stop at a river entering the ocean.  I choose to have water instead of sand in my shoes.  I run the beach some more, shoes soaked.  I cross a second river.  I run on the boardwalk where I pass the occasional late night lovers, sobering up from the early night.  I run through a field.  I stop.  I pet a beautiful horse, tide to a tree, alone.  I say goodbye, step in some of its shit, and continue running.  No worries.  The shit will fall off in a few miles.  I run a few miles up steep hills.  Enter a storm.  It pours for 20-30 minutes.  I'm soaked.  I find minor shelter under a billboard.  It's almost 5:30am; the time of my reservation.  I call the car rental.  In Spanish, I tell them I'm 15 minutes late: The first time I really communicate my needs fully in Spanish.  It's a start.  I run past planes at the airport.  I reach my destination.  I get the car.  Freedom of feet.  Freedom of car.

6am - Alive + Awake after 13 mile run and shower.

I drive back.  I pickup Kim.  We take a shot of wheatgrass.  Off to El Yunque.  About an hour on the road I have a banana, papaya, chia seed, almond milk smoothie.  Kim has energy soup.  There's a brown-out of sorts and several traffic lights aren't working.  Free form traffic guidance.  We stop at a few fast food places on the way.  We certainly DON'T buy their food.  But we donate our own waste into their public restrooms.  We get to El Yunque in about 3 hours with traffic and after I pass the entrance road once.  The road maps and signage are poor at times.  We pick up a trail map, we drink fresh coconuts, eat oranges, and start to explore.

It's lush.  It's green.  It's vibrant.  The fresh air.  The soothing sound of waterfalls.  The cheerful sound of coqui frogs.  The chirps of birds, hidden in the private tree canopy.

I am grateful.

We hike to the top of El Yunque.  About 4 hours round trip, taking time for photos.  At the top, fog and clouds.  We wait to see if it will clear.  Not this time.  We hike back down to exit the park by 6pm.

On the way back, we stop in Old San Juan.  We explore the beautiful town.  We grab a coconut and I get a dark chocolate walnut snack.  We chat.  We head back, return the car, taxi back and return at midnight.  Long day!

HIGH-FIVE ADVENTURE!  HIGH-FIVE PUERTO RICO!  HIGH-FIVE GRATITUDE!

I forget all earlier said frustration.  I am grateful for my feet and where they have taken me.  I am grateful to rest and sleep in the next day.

© Marty Stano

Change of Place: Inspiration, Flaky Non-Actors, and Utter Disappointment

Part of my plan in coming to Puerto Rico was to take a break from film and commercial work.  But that quickly changed in less than 2 weeks.  Moving to a new place makes everything exciting.  If you've been walking down the same street, neighborhood or city for a few years or more, chances are good that you don't "see" as much anymore.  Things like grocery shopping, going to the post office, or filling your gas tank are now probably mundane.  Unless you make a conscious effort to look, or see things in a new light.

All of that is much easier when you move to a new place.  You can explore everything: The streets, the alleys, the people, the places, etc.  Everything from a stray dog taking a shit can be exciting!  And there are A LOT of stray dogs in Puerto Rico.

Needless to say, I'm already rejuvenating my creative inspiration.  However, I thought it'd take me a while to find crew and actors.  Within a week and a half, I met a fashion photographer and cinematographer who relocated from New York.  His wife teaches where I work.  That was a start.

We decided to try working together, first, on a contest for MOFILM.  I came up with an idea I really liked and kept it simple so that we could produce it within our limitations (No budget, 2 man crew, I don't have a car, no lights, short amount of time until the deadline, very small actor talent pool, etc).

The last week I've been very busy both at work and then running around trying to produce this project.  Craigslist isn't very popular on the island.  In order to find actors, I ran, literally ran on my feet, around town posting handwritten casting notices.  Meanwhile I was scouting locations, trying to borrow a truck, gather props, all while trying to make a schedule that can be realistic and simple as possible while balancing all the variables.  

Casting was appearing to be the most difficult.  The DP and I went to the market, the beaches, and around town asking strangers if they were interested in acting.  The short notice and scheduling was looking difficult.

Monday I got a call from someone who was interested.  It was getting down to the last minute.  I ran 5 miles down the beach barefoot with my backpack to meet her.  Again, my feet are my only transportation.  Not too many people ride bicycles here because the roads are narrow, there's usually not a shoulder, people drive crazy, and there's 1500 accidents on the island a week.

I meet the woman, she's a yoga instructor.  She hasn't acted, but she's enthusiastic and looks the part.  She has a husband, a surf instructor, who fits the part and is interested as well.  Awesome!  We're cast!

We planned to shoot yesterday on my day off after they get off work but I get a call the night before from the husband saying that yesterday was the only day he could have a mechanic fix his car.  No flexibility there.  Okay fine, it's gonna be a pain but we reschedule everything:  Borrowing people's truck, apartment, babysitter for the DP, my work schedule...

Everything's good to go for today.  We're shooting at 1pm.  I get off work, make lunches to cater for the "actors" and start set dressing and moving furniture from other buildings with the DP.  We have picnic tables outside wrapped in tinfoil bouncing light into the windows.  We have a janky tripod and on it we have pretty good cameras with nice lenses.  We're all set up.

I walk around the campus to see if the a actors are lost.  I give the husband a call.  I say, "Hey this is Marty for the commercial."  I get a "Hey, what's up man!"  No indication, recognition, or apology that they are 30 minutes late.  Then I realize I dialed his house number and not his cell phone.  Uh oh.  "Are you guys on your way soon?"  "Hold on a sec."  I wait for about 2-3 minutes of silence and then the wife picks up.  She quickly tells me how "crazy" things have been for them and I get a list of eight excuses or more.  She asks if we could shoot next week.  I remind her, as I told her before, that the final deadline for submission is Monday.  Insert more excuses.  My mind and body become a bit numbed from disappointment.

I kindly explain to her how much goes into the schedule and planning for a film or commercial project.  I explain how important it is that when you tell me you are available, then you have to be available.  Otherwise, it's important to tell me that you're not available.  It makes sense to most professionals, especially producers and those in film.  Apologies.  Good bye.

Burned.

I sit down with the DP and share the disappointment.  We talk it over, try to think of alternate casting, but we really don't have anything.  I say let's think about it for 10 minutes to give time for a creative alternative or solution.  Ten minutes go by.  We call it off.  It's done.  A lot of planning and work for nothing.  Or rather, a lot of work for the lesson learned.

Back in Michigan, with my network of both actor talent, crew, and other resources, I could have pulled this off.  Not in Puerto Rico. Not yet at least.

I still feel a little numb.  I wish I wasn't working on this the last few days and I could have rested more.  Oh well, it was a great first lesson to approaching future projects here.  I'll need plenty of time for pre-production and casting to find real actors or reliable people.  I'll also need enough wiggle room for cancellations and rescheduling.  I'll forget about people being on time in the Caribbean.  Unless they're surfers, we're shooting a surf spot, and a good swell is coming in.

I'm gonna go take an afternoon nap, swim in the ocean later, and get over this one.

Change of Fruits: First Tastes

The last few days I've been trying fruits I never had before.  And I like that.

The kitchen picked some puma rosa yesterday.  It's looks like a small red pear with white flesh and a pit inside.  It kind of tastes like eating a tart handful of rose petals.  Awesome!

Chironja is a common fruit in Puerto Rico that I eat a lot of.  It's a cross between a grapefruit and an orange.  It's sweet and delicious.

Change of Place: Moved to Puerto Rico

I made it Puerto Rico! I’ll be here for the next 3-4 months doing a work exchange at the Ann Wigmore Natural Health Institute in Aguada where they teach the Living Foods Lifestyle created by Dr. Ann. I live in the men’s dormitory where there are 6 beds and, currently, 2 other participants staying. I work in the kitchen and will be producing videos and marketing materials in the near future. I eat a very simple diet here in the program which is living, raw, vegan. 

I wake up early every morning- something I’ve not been good at in the past- and walk 50 yards to the beach. I run barefoot and usually head south to the town of Rincon. I listen to Spanish audio lessons on my iPod. When I turn around and run back to Aguada, the sun starts to rise. It has an amazing warm glow as it parts the palm trees and reflects in the ocean mist. When I get back to Aguada, I go for a swim and then head up for breakfast. 

There’s typically lots of papaya and bananas for breakfast along with almond milk and sprouted buckwheat cereal. For lunch, there’s sprout salads, avocado, and energy soup along with ferments like sauerkraut or seed yogurt. For dinner, always energy soup, which is blended sunflower sprouts and lentil sprouts with vegetables, rejuvelac, and dulse. For people new to the diet, or rather lifestyle, energy soup may be difficult to palate at first. I really like my energy soup though! If you mix in the blended papaya, blended ginger, and limes that are served with it, I think it tastes pretty good. I was warned by people who have come to AWNHI that although the food is very healthy and healing, it can be rather bland. Few seasonings are used and there’s no salt. Dulse, a sea vegetable, and celery are used for sodium. There’s basil, parsley, and other herbs in the garden. Throughout the day, I drink lots of coconut water, water with limes, wheatgrass shots, and rejuvelac- a fermented drink we make from quinoa or cabbage. 

I’m not sure why I didn’t move to the tropics earlier… but I’m happy to be here now. The majority of foods I love, that is the tropical fruits, are here: Bananas, lemons, limes, mangos, coconut, avocados, and more. I didn’t know there were other varieties of avocados! The ones we had at lunch today were huge! Papaya wasn’t my favorite fruit for a while, but I like it now. There’s also a lot of almond trees, but they’re different here. The nuts have a richer flavor and are much softer and skinnier. I learned to crack the fallen shells with a rock yesterday. 

I’m trying to keep my computer use to a more controlled minimum: Once in the morning and once in the evening. Technology can do some great things… but in the past, I would often find myself distracted by the internets and unable to concentrate. Perhaps I’ll get my computer use to only once a day or less. Regardless, it’s much nicer to use my computer at the picnic tables outside where the wind flies while carrying the sounds of the ocean. 

I’m very happy thus far to be at the AWNHI in Aguada. It took a few months of persistence to secure a position. At one point, back in Michigan, I felt like I could have let this opportunity slip by. I thought of moving somewhere else or pushing harder on my career in film. At that time, I began to feel a certain sensation in my gut or body, a physical response to these mental ideas. It felt similar to the physical feeling that can come after an emotional loss or pain. I’ve been getting better at listening to my “gut” feeling. In this case, I began to interpret it as telling me the right thing to do while allowing me to feel the pain and regret that I might experience if I were to let this opportunity pass. I needed to follow this new interest in food and find some personal growth. I’m not sure exactly where I’m heading but I feel as though I’m on the right path. Either way, I’m on the beach in Puerto Rico and I’m happy! 

Boom!

Changing My Seriousness

Sometimes I forget that I shouldn't take myself too seriously...

Because when I remember not to take myself seriously, it is a lot of fun.

The picture above is an example of me not being serious today.

I found a pair of goggles today and I put them on.  Then I put on my warm hat.  Then I laughed like I was a crazy person.  Then I went to the post office and grocery store while pretending I was a pilot.

This made my errands much more exciting.  At the post office, I sent my packages air mail.  At the grocery store, I got in and out of there as fast as I could as if I was on a secret mission.  Driving home, I had to refrain from doing a barrel roll while checking my rear view mirror and seeing cars locked on my target.  Having dual horn triggers at both thumbs proved useful.

Have fun!

Changing

Changing

The year is 2012.  What a change.  Last year it was 2011.

I am 25 years old.  Some people might say I am 25 years young.  The measurement of my age is the same, but the attitude towards it changes.  All the while, my age continues to change as time keeps moving.

Change is everything.  Everything is change.  At least that is what I think right now.  I may no longer think that way…

A few moments ago I changed to become a writer.

Last year I changed a lot.

I changed my physical health.  I changed the foods I put into my body.  I changed what I thought of my body.  I changed what I did with my body. 

All of that helped my body change for the better.  At least I think so right now…

Thoughts, though, are a bit abstracted from my body and they change too.

My body holds my brain where several little things spark and change to create my thoughts. 

If someone is thinking the same thing I am, then does that mean they are sparking and changing exactly like me?

Does my brain hold onto its lovely creation of thoughts? 

I was moving my mouth once while talking to a person.  They were interrupted by a calling, which came from a telephone.  They answered their calling and told me to, “Hold that thought!” 

In the past, I held onto things I loved with my hands and arms.  In a pinch, I could hold onto things with my feet or even in the crook between my neck and shoulder.  I was not quite sure how to hold onto my thought though…  So I just closed my mouth.

Maybe I would be better off if I could hold a thought between my neck and shoulder.  But thoughts are not physical so I cannot hold them there.  I am not even sure if my brain knows how to hold onto thoughts.  My brain is physical.

My thoughts are not physical, but they can still speak to me.  One thought told me it was staying in my mind.  It is a pretty cool place from what it tells me:

Yeah, it’s cool, ya know?  It’s spacious and open unlike that confined space of your cranium.  I get to hang out with your other thoughts all day.  Sometimes someone else’s thought may stop by and crash.  And if I ever get bored or need something fresh, I can move and hang out in someone else’s mind.

 

“You can really pack up and go just like that?” 

There really isn’t anything I have to pack.

Woah!  My thoughts are pretty free spirited!  I like that.  Just hanging out, following their own direction, moving wherever they need to.

“I wish my body could do that,” I say.

Your body can.  Your body holds a brain, which creates thoughts like me.  Sometimes though, I will tell you the wrong things and you must listen to others.

“How do I do that?”

Well, aside from your brain, your body holds onto your heart, which creates emotions that you must also listen to.  If your heart is really telling your body to move and follow another direction, then that may be what you must do.

Your body has 1 mouth and 2 ears.  You were created that way on purpose because listening is more important than speaking.  You must remember that.

The tricky thing is: You cannot listen with just your ears.  Your heart cannot speak to you in the same way others do.

Your heart’s physical purpose is to pump blood throughout your body to keep it living.  Your heart also processes emotions and feelings.  When it does so, it changes the way it pumps blood through your body.  When your heart is afraid, it will beat faster and pump more blood through your body.  Your blood pressure rises.  You may breathe faster because your lungs are working to add oxygen to this increase in blood flow.

While your mouth uses words to communicate, your heart uses your blood.  When your heart is trying to speak to you, you must listen by interpreting it’s beat, the way it pushes blood through your body, and how the rest of your body is responding.  When described with words, this message coming from your heart is sometimes called a “gut feeling.”

“Okay.  So there’s my body, the physical.  My body holds my brain, which creates my thoughts, that are, somewhat, held in my mind, the mental.  My body also holds my heart, which holds and processes my feelings, the emotional.  All of which, are changing right now and all the time.  Isn’t there something else?”

What’s that?

“You know, like the spiritual?  What or where is my soul or spirit?  How does it communicate?  How do I listen to it?  What holds my soul, if anything?  Does my soul change?”

Well… we don’t know much about that yet.  Some of your other thoughts and I have been discussing this in your mind… But we haven’t been able to draw many conclusions...