Change in Waste: Confessions of a Compost Virgin

This past week it finally happened. I attempted to make compost for the first time. I was really nervous and the thoughts rushed through my head: Will I know how? Will it hurt? Will it feel better with time? Is the first time dirty and smelly? What will the compost think of me?

Needless to say I was anxious about the copious amount of waste I was producing. But the moment I unsheathed the lid of my first compost bin, the ecstasy of this natural act put my mind at ease. My first night was so great that I’ve been doing it everyday since with no intention of stopping. I only wish I started earlier.

THE WAITING GAME

A person can have several reasons, immoral or not, for compost abstinence or simply none at all. Some people wait to compost until after they are married, generally for religious reasons. However, a great amount of people start experimenting with composting in college and there are the adventurous ones who start in high school.

I’m not sure why I waited until after college to start composting. I mean… I’m not a prude or anything. Maybe I was playing “hard to get.” My nomadic lifestyle throughout college never leant itself well to composting. Even now, I only plan to live at my current apartment for six more months before leaving on an epic Pan-American road trip with my girlfriend Kelly. However, the amount of organic waste that one human being can create in six months is epic too!

POSITIONS AND TECHNIQUES

There are several ways to compost. A lot of people like to do it outside, some right on the ground. Others like to do it in the privacy of a bin and the Don Juan composter may use several bins.

Cold climate does present a challenge as I face another Michigan winter. I can’t just take a banana outside my apartment and start composting. A compost pile is gorged with billions of microbes that need to be warmed up and insulated to successfully compost, i.e. foreplay. My favorite place to compost is under my kitchen sink. I don’t have to worry about insulation outside and I can do it with a simple 5-gallon bucket that I’ve drilled several holes in for aeration. There are some vendors that sell expensive high-tech bins with the promise of bigger, stronger, more fertile compost that will last much longer. Really though, composting is pretty easy and a simple bin will do the trick just fine.

STIMULATION

You can stimulate a compost pile with all kinds of organic matter found in yard and kitchen waste such as grass clippings and leaves, fruit and vegetable scraps, eggshells, coffee grounds, tea bags and more. It’s best to start your compost with a significant layer of soil and add layers of soil over the compost waste along with dry layers such as grass clippings. This is the best way to satisfy the act of decay. You should not compost meat scraps, fatty food wastes, milk products, and bones. They’re not a turn-on for composting.

Eating a strong diet of raw fruits and vegetables and less industrial processed foods means greater energy and performance for both you and your compost!

If you want to get really kinky, you can add worms to your compost to speed up the decaying excitement. Regardless of what some may say, the size of the worm doesn’t affect the pleasure of composting.

ORGASM

Composting creates a culmination of several good feelings and benefits. For one, you greatly reduce the waste being sent to landfills, 30% of which is contributed by yard and kitchen waste that could be composted. The end product of composting is a highly fertile soil, sometimes referred to as “black gold”, that can be used for potted plants or gardens and can also be recycled in layers to make more compost. Once your garden goes black, it never goes back!

For me, I don’t really have the space or intention for much home gardening. I get enough pleasure from reducing my waste. Now that I’m composting, I rarely have to take out the trash since the majority of food I eat is raw and composted. So when I do finish making some of my black gold, I’ll donate it to a community garden or take it to a park.

CUDDLING

You can find out more info on how to make mind-blowing compost with your soil begging you for more at http://www.howtocompost.org/ or a simple Google search. Composting is a good, simple, natural way to reduce your waste. For those that are hesitant, drop your peels and start composting.

P.S. It’s been a week and my compost doesn’t smell. I’m pretty sure if you layer it right, mix it up and aerate every couple days, you won’t have a problem.