[My Schwinn Prelude road bike was stolen St. Paddy's day, Wednesday March 17th, 2010 from 413 Washtenaw, Ann Arbor. It was locked to a porch and stolen sometime between 10pm and 2:30am. If someone helps recover my bike, I'll buy you lunch and give you a gracious high-five! It's blue and chrome, has a rack, a water bottle holder, and a few lights. I think it's a 2008.]
When I was a kid, I attempted to ride my mountain bike across a long patch of ice at the park. I thought if I kept my handle bars and tires straight, I could glide across 20 ft of ice. And I was right! Well, I was right for about 3 seconds, after which my bike flew out from under me sending me to the ground with my head ricocheting off the ice. In that moment of blurred vision I did not decide to get a bike helmet, but rather that I would never ride a bike in icy or snowy conditions.
Now that I'm an older kid, I would like to ride my bike during winter but I’m not hardcore enough to sport the gloves, mask, and goggles. Not to mention a road bike doesn’t fair as well as a mountain bike…
Fortunately though, Ann Arbor was blessed this past week with a few beautiful sunny days as we transition to spring. During this time, I also transition my wheels: less driving my little car into town, finding parking, and paying for gas while more riding my bike, skateboard, rollerblades, and more exercise and energy.
It’s 8:30pm St. Paddy’s day and I’m cruising on my bicycle. It’s only the third time I’ve had my bike out this season. I’m heading over to a friend’s for a haircut. The wind blows through my long hair one last time. I arrive and lock my bike to her front porch. We have some beers and I get an unforgettable haircut (A post on that coming soon). It’s about 10pm and we head to the bars.
I hang with my friends, we drink, we be marry, and now it’s 2am and we’re out. I get back to my friends about 2:30am expecting to ride the 3 miles back to my house, which is much harder now, being mostly an uphill ride…
But it’s gone… my bike is gone… no bike… no lock… no damage to the steel handrail where it was locked… nothing…
I’m really pissed. My neighbor who runs a bike shop hooked me up with this new Schwinn Prelude in 2008. This is only the 3rd season I’ve had it. I’m even more frustrated because I only need the bike for a few more months. I was planning to give it to my brother-in-law when Kelly and I head out for our Alaska-to-Argentina road trip this summer.
My friend and I walk around the nearby neighborhoods in a hopeless search.
I’m angry. I consider ripping someone else’s bike off a rack and riding it home… I remember the end scene of The Bicycle Thief, an incredible Italian Neorealist film about a worker who gets a job during the depression but needs a bike. After selling some of his families belongings, he gets a bike only to be stolen before his first day of work. [Spoiler Alert] After a long desperate search for the thief, the protagonist resolves to stealing someone else’s bike. His attempt is unsuccessful and witnessed by his young son who cries as he watches the shame and moral breakdown of his father. I imagine the same young boy watching me and crying… I curse and reconsider.
I have blurred moral lines of right and wrong. Generally, I don’t mind pilfering something from a large company, like eating a bunch of bulk food at the 24 hour grocery store (yum!) or wearing a sweat shirt out of Wal-Mart on a cold day. A lot of large companies like Wal-Mart already screw several people over both discreetly and not. But I could never steal someone’s personal property because I know I would directly screw someone over.
I meet Kelly at a pizza place about 3am and she gives me a ride home.
Being bike-less is so frustrating. I’m now currently dependent on a car, oil, and transportation that burns fossil fuels and not calories. I’ve taken my skateboard and rollerblades out a few times and although fun, they are not nearly as practical and as fast as a nice road bike.
Please keep an eye out for my bike. I’ve got an extra tan trench coat, sunglasses, and a magnifying glass if you want to help me play detective.
[The Bicycle Thief is one of my favorite films. Who would have known it would come back with new meaning to my life. Coincidentally, it is screening this Monday, March 22nd at the Michigan Theater. I'll probably go to the screening and cry.]
In other wheeled news, during February, I was shooting a short film in Detroit at Lafayette Coney Island when my car was broken into. It was parked across the street on Michigan Ave and we we’re filming a shot across the street. My car was only there for about 30 minutes when a man came out of a building across the street asked the crew if this was our car. “Someone just broke into it,” he said. I ran across the street in disbelief. None of us saw or heard anything, but sure enough, my back window was smashed. I had several bags in my car with stuff of little value. The perpetrator had pulled a large blue bag out of my car and carried it about 20 feet where they left it after realizing it was way too heavy and filled with electrical cords of little value.
So what was the net utility of that transaction for everyone involved?
Crackhead: Zero. Maybe a negative if they injured themselves in breaking the window. A large negative in the event they could be arrested.
Car: Negative. Broken window = $100 insurance deductible reimbursed by the production. Fixed in one day.
Me: Zero. Fortunately nothing was stolen from me. But it was somewhat negative to drive home on the freeway in the cold with the wind blowing in and vibrating my whole car. Also a logistical negative to get to the film set the next day and schedule to have the window fixed.
Total: Negative. A lose-lose situation. But what does a thief or crackhead know about economics and utilitarian philosophy? In this situation, it seems apparently little. So this past week I had my car windows tinted so that the in the future, someone doesn’t break into my car for a shoebox or some scratched CD-Rs.
A note to all thieves out there: I have very few things of value… perhaps a liberal arts education from University of Michigan… but you can’t really steal that… but that’d be cool though…
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