Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Change of Direction: Travel Filmmaker?

Lota, Chile

While packing for Chile and South America, I was hustling my cameras, lenses, computer and other gear on Craigslist to invest in some new travel gear and a camera package that was light and versatile and could travel with me in one backpack.  In the back of my mind, I want to become a travel filmmaker, photographer, and/or writer on this journey.  Sounds like a dream job, right?  How do I do it professionally?  How do I make money to sustain myself and traveling?  I don't know.  Either way, I want to have the tools needed to shoot in a variety of conditions should a job or opportunity present itself.

After the new gear, insurance, airfare, fees, and other expenses,  I arrived in Chile with only a couple hundred dollars- much less then I feel comfortable navigating with.  In the past, I returned from an Alaskan road trip broke and stuck for months.  Since then, I've tried to be a bit more cautious.  The challenge with my work exchange travel lifestyle is having a little money saved or finding a freelance gig so I can get to the next place or job.  Once there, I can usually sustain myself fine for the present making little to no money and having few expenses- also, thanks to living with family and friends for periods in-between.

Recently, I have been thinking of summer travel plans after my volunteer term ends.  After the investment to get here, I don't plan to return home until I experience much of what South America has to offer.  I want to go to Patagonia and then make my way north slowly by bus to several destinations and eventually home.  I have plenty of time to do this... but only a couple hundred dollars.  I wouldn't say it's not possible, but it would be a challenge.  

I was starting to think my camera gear investment went too far.  It was risky and foolish.  I should have left myself more travel money.  I guess my fall back plan was that I could always sell my camera or computer to travel or get home.  But because they're my tools for occasional freelance work and one of the few ways I know how to make money, expression and hobby aside, that seemed foolish too.

However, last week I was able to sell my last lens back home via my parents and Craigslist.  That was a relief as I now have some travel money I can work with.

Last week I also received the exciting news that I have been selected as the filmmaker for this fall's Glimpse Correspondent Program!  I'm really glad I invested in my camera gear now!  I'll be producing films about stories abroad with the guidance and mentorship of the editors at Glimpse.  Meanwhile, I'll receive free tuition to MatadorU's Travel Journalism courses on writing, photography, and filmmaking where I hope to develop my craft and perhaps learn how to make a lifestyle and profession from traveling.  The program also includes a stipend after my finished films are published on the Matador website.  Awesome!

I'm not sure where this will go, but it's gonna be an exciting new chapter for my life and career!


Lota, Chile

Monday, September 10, 2012

Changing Lows


I wrote the following passage almost a month ago during a spell of winter rain.  I was feeling rather low at the time but noticed something different from what I use to consider seasonal depression.  I didn't care to post then, because I didn't need a sympathy response.  I also wasn't trying to bring anyone down.  (Hence, cute street dog photo above.)  The feeling past after a couple of days anyway along with the clouds.

A lot has changed since then.  Spring is approaching along with Chile's independence festivities beginning this week.  I'm shedding a few layers of clothing.  I've enjoyed several beach days, hanging with friends, BBQs, a little exploring and pick-up soccer.  I also received some really exciting news last week that may change or shape the direction of my career- whatever that entails.  The news isn't public yet, but I should be able to share later this week.

Life is good.

Still, I think the passage does represent an important change of my perspective towards depression, perhaps a more optimistic understanding of it.  So, I find it appropriate for my blog about change.  It also shows that not every single day living abroad for me is crazy exciting but I just gotta ride it out until the next one.  

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I’m enjoying my time in Chile. There are happy moments. Fun moments. Curious moments. Confusing moments. Quiet moments. 

There are times when I’m alone. And times I want to be alone. Times I don’t want to do anything. Times when I wish I could lay in bed forever. 

Today, I lay in bed nearly all day. It’s a holiday and I don’t have to work. I see very little of the gray day from my window. I’m not motivated to get up as I listen to the sound of the rain pouring on the roof. It’s been pouring rain for days. I lay in bed with my thoughts, halk awake, and let the time pass- not that I have control of it anyway. 

I want to say this feels like depression, but it’s different. 

I remember I didn’t experience depression until college. I think depression is more of a feeling than a thought. Althought thoughts can be depressing too. During the times I was depressed in college, I didn’t think I was free at the moment. I was stuck. I felt like shit. I didn’t think I had any control to change anything. Whether I had to write a paper, stay awake, go to class, or pretend I was happy so that I wouldn’t bring down my friends... I didn’t care about anything that was happening. 

I thought I’d rather be in any other place doing any other thing than what I was doing at that moment. I thought I’d rather be asleep then awake. And when I was awake, I thought my bed was warmer then ever and that it’s the best place in the world. I didn’t ever want to leave but eventually I would have too, and that thought was depressing. 

Now, I feel a similar warmth and attachment to my bed. 

In the past, my times of depression often aligned with the winter season. Perhaps I was depressed because I was staying inside for most of the day with my motivation frozen. Or maybe I thought it was okay to stay depressed inside while not missing much during the cold days in Michigan. 

Now, I feel similar need to stay inside. The difference: I’m now okay with it. 

In college, I had so much anticipation for the future. And I put so much pressure on the myself in the present. I thought I could learn and be productive at a constant or increasing pace. I couldn’t accept being depressed nor my lack of motivation. The days were unproductive, long and seemed to last forever. The happy days seemed too far away to be optimistic. 

But now, I understand that when I feel this way, it is what I need for the moment. I give myself permission to rest, away from the outside world and any of its expectations. When I hear the sound of rain resume on the roof, I am grateful. As if the universe has also given me permission to do nothing. 

The emotional cycles in my life tend towards extreme highs and lows. I recognize this now and perhaps its necessity. I’m okay feeling the lows whereas I wasn’t in the past. I recognize this feeling as a healthy time for rest. A time to be alone. A time to forget motivation and my own expectations of myself. A time to recover. A time to be optimistic and ready myself for the exciting future ahead. Perhaps this feeling will last a day or months. Either way, I have been learning to be patient with myself. Enjoying myself, my thoughts, my feelings, the good and the bad. 

From the comfort of my bed, I can still experience the world through three windows: From the bedroom window, I see the outside world as it spins and rains. For now, I’m not missing much. From the TV, I experience fantasy worlds that are much more exciting than my present. I’m fine allowing my imagination to dance while my body lays still. And with my computer, I write my thoughts and fantasize my own future. What will I do next? 

That is my question. What to do? I am more free now then ever. It is totally okay for me to do nothing now. To do nothing forever, to not take advantage of my freedom and opportunity, that would be depressing. Or would it be choosing just to live? Why do I think just living is depressing? 

Perhaps, it’s because I think I’m great. I’m not talking up my ego here. Rather, I think it is an inherent human condition to think of oneself as great. I’m sure other species have feelings and thoughts but I’m not sure if they think they are great too. But we humans may think we are really special, or at least we should. We may think our lives are special even if we don’t think life itself is special. What differentiates humans from other species on Earth may not be our capacity of intelligence and emotion but rather the responsibility that comes with being special. 

As humans, we are privaledged to live at the top of the food chain. Our actions and choices in the present shape life and its future in dramatic ways. Not only because we’re at the top, but because most of our human population lives outside of a simple, balanced, and sustainable life cycle. 

We can’t blame the birds for dropping nuclear bombs from the sky. Or the dogs or cows for their complicated oil dependent lifestyles that spill catastrophically into the oceans while ruining marine life. We can’t explain why we think the rare instance of a bear eating a human is much more devastating than millions of humans eating millions of species of animals every year. The only explanation seems to be: Because we as humans are special. 

So, since I am inherently special as a human, I feel responsible to do more than just living which only requires healthy air, minimal shelter, water, food, some exercise and rest. With my responsibility as a human, I feel that I have a purpose for my life. What is it? How will I make a difference? How will I live? How will I be happy? I don’t know. And that’s okay. 

Aside from just living, there is little that I care about in terms of material things. I do enjoy fancy ideas and creating them into tangible mediums. And I really enjoy the company of my family and friends. But they are far away now. And I don’t know what I’ll create with my life next. So for now, I’ll just lie in bed and rest.

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[And here's a random photo update of dogs only until I get my Flickr account going.]









Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Change with Film: Minimalism + IAMDYNAMITE Music Video


I've been experimenting the last several months with a more minimal process of filmmaking, partly out of necessity, and enjoying it:  Less people, less camera equipment, and less complication.  All the gear and tools I need to create, I can carry in one backpack with my own two feet- that is a liberating feeling!  It allows me to shoot and move fast while adapting and improvising on the way.  It can make filming much more fun.  Although I do enjoy shooting projects with large crews of close friends and colleagues with fancy film equipment, this is a nice change for now.  I don't have to create a production schedule around many actors, crew members, etc, which often causes delays, stress, etc...  When I want to make something, I just do it.   One-man crew style if I have to.  Boom!

Above is the new music video I directed for IAMDYNAMITE "Where Will We Go."  If you haven't seen them, you need to.  They're on tour right now.  They are incredible performers and awesome to see live.

I shot this video with the tiny GoPro Hero2 HD camera along with GoPro's headband mount.  We shot guerrilla style moving all around the beautiful city of Ann Arbor without permits for two days.  We were able to move fast and almost unnoticed as it was only a two-man band, myself, one assistant and a small camera.  We could walk down the street and film almost unnoticed.  Most people may have thought I was just being obnoxious walking down the street with a loud boom box.  Moments after passing, they would realize and say something like, "Oh my god!  They're making a video!"

Adjusting the camera mount on Chris Martin.

It took some practice with the band (Chris and Chris) to get used to the camera setup on their head.  For example, it was necessary to really exaggerate the facial expressions of the performance, mainly the lips, to make it look good or natural for the camera with its wide fisheye lens, even though it felt somewhat unnatural.  After a while, the headband mount became uncomfortable so we improvised more padding with a gel foot insole we bought from a convenience store.  After a rehearsal shoot the night before and a few hours on set, the Chris' had it down and the performances were able to shine.

Aside from concentrating on performing and moving while staring into a camera that is six inches from your face, which is difficult to do when you're walking through the woods over rocks and tree roots, the Chris' would also have to roll and stop the camera since I would often be hiding off screen with the boombox for playback.  When we filmed this, GoPro had not yet released their WiFi BacPac accessory so there was no way for me to monitor the camera while filming.  I would watch the performance from a hidden distance and review playback on the small LCD screen later.  Without a monitor, we had several 'lost takes' in the beginning:  "Yes!  That looked great guys!  ...Fuck!  We weren't recording... let's do it again..."

I give a lot of credit to Chris and Chris.  They each did about three full takes at each of the several locations.  It was a lot of work and they kept the energy every time.  By the end, everyone was pretty exhausted, the band rightfully so.

For me, it was more exhausting editing the video.  If you think you are dizzy from watching it once, imagine watching it for eight hours a day for a couple of weeks.  I hope you enjoy it!  Otherwise, I just killed a lot of brain cells for nothing...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Change of Place: Thoughts from 5 Weeks in Chile


This is me sitting in my bed in Chile.  Cool.


Below is a collection of thoughts from the past month while living and volunteering in Chile as a gringo who does not speak or understand much Spanish. There are a lot of thoughts here in English because I cannot share them all in Spanish yet. It may be bold to post a seven-page, single-spaced, entry. This long format goes against most Internet standards and attention spans. Perhaps you’ll find the time to read on your lunch break or something. Perhaps you’ll have smoothie for lunch instead of a big burrito. That way you can use your other hand to scroll the page while you eat at the same time- unless you are really awesome and can eat a big burrito, cleanly, with one hand. Either way, I trust your literacy, interest, and eating abilities. This paragraph is pretty unnecessary, but I thought starting a blog post with roman numerals and section titles would be pretentious. Although I am interested in self-reflection and serious thought, I’m more interested in fun and adventure then appearing smart or too-awesome-for-you-to-understand. That’s why I like to make up words or use colloquial words, which are casual, familiar, and non-pretentious words that require a pretentious word like colloquial to define them. If you don’t read English, this may be tough to understand regardless. But, you can use Google translator and miss out on most of my humor.


I. Time and Place

I made it to Chile!  The last five weeks have flown by quick:  One week of training in Santiago with the English Opens Doors Program, EOD Program.  A bus ride to my volunteer placement in the city of Concepción, in the southern region of Biobío.  Three weeks of work at school.  One week of English Winter Camp.  And now, one week of winter vacation and time to write. For my northern hemisphere friends:  Yes, while you are enjoying summer, it is winter here.

My neighborhood.

II.  Family and Friends

I live with a host family, a couple in their early 50s, and they care for me as a son, calling me hijo.  I address them as Tia and Tio, aunt and uncle, in return.  They have a son and daughter, each married with a child, living in the city nearby.  They are over at the house often for almuerzo, lunch, or once, tea, in the evening.  It’s nice.  We share a lot of family time in the kitchen.  On the weekend, I’m invited to many family birthday parties, outings, and barbeques or asados. 

I’ve met my friends here through the family, teachers at school, or other volunteers.  The daughter-in-law is my head teacher at school so both home and work life feel like a close family.

Some of the family together on my birthday.

III.  Gringo

There aren’t many foreigners here in Chile compared to the diversity of the U.S.  I use to think I had dark brown hair, but here I may border on the blond side. When I share Facebook photos of friends back home, people may something in Spanish like, “Oh an Asian,” or, “You have a black friend?!”

Blue eyes are a rare treat here in Chile.  I was having a michelada with some volunteers- it’s a beer with lemon juice and salt and spice on the glass rim- and an amusing drunk on the street started talking with us.  The volunteer with the blue eyes caught the man’s attention.  He couldn’t stop staring and talking about how beautiful her eyes were.  Eventually, he sang a Pink Floyd song and left.

Quite a few people have told me it is characteristic of Chileans to welcome foreigners, perhaps for this reason that, in contrast, we are different and exciting.  I heard this idea referenced in a song here too.  So far, I find it to be true.

I often run into students and their parents at the market who smile warmly and say Hello!  While waiting for a colectivo, a shared taxi, to go to school, a student’s father recognized me as the new gringo in town.  He offered me a ride and told me how he supports the EOD Program and how important it is for students to learn and practice the language.  The father continues to give me a ride to school in exchange that I help him with his English.  I find many people are interested in such a language exchange as there are few native English speakers here.  Others may care less.

I have felt incredibly welcomed by many people here making it easier for me to be far away from my family and friends back home.  (The drunken philosopher I met at a party who talked about Obama and said he was Osama is an exception.)  I wish I could tell my friends here who want to travel to the U.S. that it’s the same there.  That everyone welcomes foreigners kindly.  That there’s a fun welcome party at the airport where you get naked, felt up, and people pretend you’re a terrorist… that’s a joke, maybe?

As the gringo, I represent, or rather, appear to others, to represent the United States of America.  Yep, Just me- America!  It’s a position I was elected to without my consent, but it is what it is.  I often find myself being asked about money, politics, economy, capitalism, and things I don’t understand or care to discuss.

It’s challenging for me to understand my own life, ideas, and philosophies and explain them in English let alone Spanish, which I also don’t understand well.  In these situations, I try to explain with limited Spanish and hand gestures that the U.S. is very big, different, and complex including its geography, systems, corporations, and some of its people.  I also say the U.S. is great for road trips and there are many beautiful national parks.  I’m not sure if I can really say all that in Spanish or if people understand me… but with a few beers, I try.


IV. Speaking and Smiling

Many people here speak little or no English since it is not necessary.  There are also many people who say their basic English is bad, but I seem to understand them just fine.  Sure, it’s not as expressive or grammatically correct, but it gets the point across.  Then, there are people like the motivated students at English Winter Camp who impress me with how well they articulate themselves in English and how well they understand me.

The only Spanish language education I had prior to this was two months of listening to audio lessons while in Puerto Rico.  I am now learning basic grammar and my vocabulary is limited.  My Tia and Tio don’t speak any English, but some of the other family members do.  Communication for me can be fun and creative with lots of miming and hand gestures, but it is also difficult and exhausting.  There are times when my Tia and I eventually give up and just laugh and hug.  Or she says something simple like have a good day and when it’s not one of the stock phrases I know, I reply with No entiendo.  Translation:  I don’t understand how to have a good day.

My mind works all day to say basic things like where I’m going, when I’ll be home, I’m going to take a shower, whether I’m hungry or not…  At this point, I can’t express many complex thoughts or ideas, which is tough when much of my communicative strength comes from storytelling, anecdotes, and relating with humor.  For now, I settle with communicating thoughts such as, “I too, like dogs.” 

I often listen to a bunch of Spanish I don’t understand, though it still sounds nice. Even when I’m with people who speak English, I would prefer to make the effort to communicate in Spanish.  I want to distinguish myself from the American that speaks loud English as if it makes more sense and the jerk that likes to give non-consenting people nicknames because he or she won’t bother with the correct pronunciation of their real name.  Still, I do find mental relief communicating in English every now and then.

There are times I wish I could say, politely, how I need to rest and stop trying to communicate.  Once or twice, I almost became quite irritable, but was able to contain my frustration.  I spend a lot of time in my head, which can be a nice break.  I realize how important it is for me to rest, eat, and exercise well to maintain my patience and keep myself in good humor.

Smiling is my primary form of communication whether I’m abroad or at home.  With a smile, I can express gratitude, I can humor, I can persuade, I can attract, I can make others smile, and I can say everything is great without ever speaking a word.  Body language is universal.  It’s the emotions inside expressing itself on the surface.  A righteous smile communicates a good mood that can be shared with others, regardless if you speak the same language or not.

If you don’t have a good smile that can radiate joy, I would work on that.  It may be more important than a college education.  I would much rather be in a room with a smiling quiet person then in a room with a person not smiling and telling me how the room and I are not real because some philosopher said so and how I cannot prove him wrong.  (Or her… but it is more characteristic of males to want to prove themselves right to the point of annoying. And I have yet to meet a boring female philosopher.)

It’s not my intention though to just smile while I’m here.  I am motivated to learn Spanish so that I can further communicate my appreciation to my family and friends here.  I also want to have deeper conversations about things other than my like of dogs.

I study a lot and people have said that I’m learning fast.  I’ve already been able to make some jokes in Spanish with my limited knowledge.  Finding humor with a foreign language is a good gauge for progress.

A typical evening: Tea, verb conjugations, and TV in Spanish.

V.  Stress and Focus

I came here to Chile with no expectations.  No expectations for my region or school placement, no expectations of living conditions or lifestyle, no expectations of anything.  The flexibility of this approach works well for traveling and working abroad.  This wisdom comes partly from my experience in Puerto Rico where I experienced culture shock when my expectations for work were not met.  Without expectations, there is less room for any disappointment.  I accept nearly everything as is:  I ignore any negative aspects and embrace everything else as a happy bonus. 

Even with this approach, it took about 2 weeks for my physical stress to subdue.  When I arrived, I didn’t have many thoughts or worries to stress me mentally, but I still felt anxious and could feel my blood pressure operating at higher level than usual.  Perhaps it’s because I now consume a significant amount of caffeinated tea, which I haven’t drank in a while.  Either way, I am feeling healthy and well now as I maintain rest, diet, and exercise.

I also came here with unfinished work.  In the quick month I was home between Puerto Rico and Chile, I directed a new music video for IAMDYNAMITE.  I intended to finish the edit and deliver the video before I left, but in the craziness of preparing and packing, that didn’t happen.  So, during my first two to three weeks of training, meeting my new family, starting a new job, and trying to communicate and live in a new country… I also needed to find time to finish the music video.  It was too difficult to express in Spanish that I needed time to myself to finish work or that I need to find a fast enough Internet connection to upload the final video, which will probably take 8-16 hours.  The video is done now though, it’s really rad, you’re gonna love it and I’m excited to share when it premieres August 8th.

I can now focus more on school, learning Spanish, exploring, and enjoying the experience here.  It helps that my verb conjugation knowledge is limited to the present and I don’t know how to talk about the past or the future.  Everything is right now!

A nigh time break at my window.

VI.  School

Working at school is awesome!  I assist one of the English teachers with grades 5th-8th.  My primary direction from the EOD Program is that I speak only English at school and facilitate speaking and listening components from the teacher’s lesson plans.  This way, I am an asset providing teachers the opportunity to practice and improve their English while students, who are excited to communicate with me, are more motivated to learn.

It’s fun to see some students struggle to understand that I don’t speak Spanish.  To them, I am foreign and exciting.  Everyone wants to ask questions.  Everyone stares.

The students truly bring me much joy.  I start everyday with so many young kids excited to see me.  I get several hugs and high-fives as I walk to each class.  I’m treated as if I’m a celebrity.  A few times I have found myself in a frenzy of signing autographs, after which, one student, a boy, hugged me and said, “I love you man,” and another student said, “This is the best day ever!”

With this much love and excitement, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to have a bad day at school.  Especially with the occasional surprise such as an eight-year-old dancing Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean at an assembly.

A video the students choreographed at English Winter Camp.


VII.  Money and Things

I often receive complements for how nice my things are.  I feel relatively self-conscious of my personal possessions, which I have selected and packed carefully in my nice backpack [Perhaps, a future blog post on packing].  At school, one student wouldn’t stop prodding me about how much my Apple MacBook Air costs.  My Tia always warns me about theft and dangers on the bus and at nighttime.  Whether they’re expensive or not, my possessions stand out with foreign appeal.

What makes it difficult is that I cannot avoid appealing to the rich American stereotype.  In the processing of whittling down the majority of my possessions back home, the things that remain which I have selected for utility and quality are also quite expensive.  I cannot communicate that my computer and camera are the tools for both my passion and profession and the means for which I make money.  Or, that I have really nice shoes because I run a lot and believe in preventative health care through exercise and food and how I prefer to do without medicines and health insurance.  Or, that I’ve acquired really nice outdoor and travel gear because I often sleep on the ground, in a car, or on someone else floor by my own frugal preference.  And how I often enjoy work exchange for room and board, which is what I’m doing now and have done for six months during the last year.  I cannot express my minimalist philosophy and disregard for the majority of material culture.  Or, how I sold a majority of my stuff to afford to come to Chile and the nice things I now have.  I just have to deal with it.  No importa

It has taken several weeks to muster the courage to pull out my camera.  I’m still looking for ways to draw the least attention if possible, as I don’t feel quite comfortable being a gringo wandering around the city with a nice camera.  But, I am finally starting to explore, photograph, and experiment.

Camera envy in the bathroom.

VIII.  Dogs

There are many stray dogs here in Chile, more than Puerto Rico.  Some are cute and some are dangerous.  While I’m out on a run, some try to bite me.  I yell at them and they go away.  I spaced out for a moment while running through a field and almost tripped over two dogs huddled in the grass.  While stretching, I let a dog approach me.  He seemed pretty chill while he sat nearby.  Then he spazzed out and tried to go after my feet.  That’s not as scary as though as the dogs that dart out in the middle of the street barking at the wheels of the colectivos.  I step in poop occasionally and it’s gross.

I was on the bus heading to school.   I notice it smells really bad.  After five minutes or so of wondering what the awful smell is, I look over and see a smushed pile of dog shit in the aisle of the bus.  I then see that there’s poop on my shoe.  Gross.  I am now pretty self-conscious because I am unsure whether or not I was the one that stepped in the shit first and brought it on the bus, forcing several people to smell it in a closed environment for the next 20 minutes.  One lady puts a napkin over it in the aisle and tells the bus driver.  Everyone boarding for the next several stops is warned to watch out for the caca.

I wrote a ‘serious, heartfelt’ poem about dogs and poop that I recited in Spanish during the talent show at the English Winter Camp.  The students loved it and I got the laughs I was hoping for.

Regardless of their caca littering all the streets, I really like the street dogs.  I decided to photograph them while I’m here.  I think they’ll make for good subjects because I don’t have to worry about communicating with them in Spanish.  And if a dog does indeed try to communicate with me in Spanish, I will try my darnedest to understand.  In some ways I can relate to the street dog because I too like to wander and sometimes feel a bit lost or unable to communicate.  But, I don’t poop on the sidewalk… or on the bus…

Cute.
Cuter.
Winner.
A street dog with dignity watches sea lions eat dumpster sea food and plastic.

IX.  Marty un Poquito

Un Poquito, a little, is my nickname and a running joke with the family because that is often my response to several questions.  Do you speak Spanish?  A little.  Do you eat meat?  Solo un poquito.  Do you like bread, cake, beans, rice, beer, wine…?  Un poquito.  My host family has been very accommodating while providing me with vegan options.  It’s only been a year since I really started changing my food choices.  While I aspire to make as many vegan choices as I can, I’m also trying to be flexible.

I prefer to say un poquito because I don’t want to say no to many things since I already appear foreign and crazy as it is:  Like going out and running for two hours or refusing to use the microwave.  Yesterday though, I did express to my Tia that I was fasting for one whole day on only tea with lemon and honey to give my digestive system a rest.  She understood what I was saying, still offered me food throughout the day, and probably still thinks I’m crazy.


X.  Cold

The winter here is often cold and rainy.  However, the majority of last week was sunny and nice.  The days aren’t much of a problem because the sun is warm.  It’s the nights and mornings that are cold and challenging.  It takes a lot of motivation to get up during the cold mornings.  I often go to school wearing all my layers and take off several by mid-afternoon.

While I was packing for Chile, I looked at the average year round temperatures for the region and it didn’t seem that cold compared to winters in Michigan.  What makes it cold is that central heating is pretty much non-existent in homes, schools, and buildings here.  So while Michigan is colder, you often experience only periods of cold as you travel outdoors from home, to car, to work, to home.  Some jerks even wear tank tops and flip-flops in their house in January. 

Here, I experience cold for most of the day.  We have a space heater that we use in the kitchen for an hour or so in the evening during tea.  Other homes may have a wood stove.  I usually wear many layers of clothing.  I can often see my breath.  My hands are cold as I type on my computer.  After using the bathroom, I wash my hands with ice-cold water.  I sleep with many blankets and a ‘Guatero’ which is a bag or bottle that you fill with a kettle of hot water to keep your bed warm.  I’m usually quite congested in the morning but after a few glasses of water and a cup of hot tea I can cough up the majority of my phlegm.  I still break a good sweat when I go out for a run and I steam like the kettle when I return home.

Hot foreplay with my Guatero before bed.
I say this all not as a whiny complaint, it’s simply how things are and I’m adjusting to it fine.  It may be tough for some, people here still complain about the cold, but it’s not that bad.  That’s why this is the last and least important section of this blog post.  It’s included merely as interest for understanding my experience.

Although the weather can be cold, the Chilean people of the south are warm and friendly.  I’m happy here and feel very fortunate to have such a great host family, school, head teacher, and students with my volunteer placement.  While I embrace the warmth of the people, summer will come soon enough.

Good night.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Changing Since 1997: Notes from My 5th Grade Self

I will be flying to Chile in 3 days.  I will be volunteering with the English Opens Doors Program teaching English in the southern Bio-Bio region.  (Google Chile Bio-Bio and check out the images = RAD.)

Before that, I must finish editing a crazy music video I directed, sell a bunch of my stuff to have adequate funds, and configure my life into a single large backpack.

I have a one-way ticket and not sure how long I'll be gone.  My position is for 5 months but I plan to backpack and explore a significant time afterwards.  

I'm preparing myself for nearly any condition since I'll be experiencing cool winters in the south and will eventually explore desserts, mountains, jungles, and more later during the summer.

I am also going to explore becoming a travel documentary filmmaker and photographer and how to shoot in these various conditions while moving with a single backpack.

Packing and preparing has been quite the challenge as my mind mulls over the utility, versatility, and weight of each item.  I believe I have nearly acquired everything I think I need.  I will find out in the next day or two whether or not I can fit everything I think I need in my backpack.

I've experienced a much higher lever of stress than normal the past week.  I'm feeling better though as I check off my last minute To-Do items (vaccinations, dentist, etc...).

I think part of that stress is mentally preparing for a really big new chapter in my life.  I don't know exactly what it is, but it goes beyond the volunteer position.  Once again, I've done another purge of my decreasing amount of physical possessions which I store in a nook at my sisters.  A nook is a space under the basement stairs and not a small technological device from which many people read many books.

I find myself becoming more vigilant of getting rid of stuff and ignoring the notion of "Maybe I'll need it one day."  I've realized that by the time I need "it" again, I can get a new one.  I find this notion can sometimes translate beyond the physical to the mental thoughts and I consider what thoughts I hold onto and what thoughts are holding me back...

But I'm not gonna take that tangent.  Instead I want to share some old school papers I found during this physical purge.  While looking them over, I reflected on what ideas, traits, etc may define me now that were present with my younger self.

The first document is a worksheet titled, "All About Me," written by my 5th grade self in 1997:

1.  Physical Description  Short, Fast, Strong, Big
2.  Favorite Food  Pizza
3.  Least Favorite Food  Egg Rolls
4.  Favorite Place to Visit  Toys "R" Us
5.  Favorite Book  Franklin the Turtle
6.  A happy day in my life was when...  My soccer team took 1st place in a tournament
7.  A sad day in my life was when...  I got in big trouble
8.  Favorite Movie  Jurassic Park
9.  If I could change anything in the world, I would...  Change Pollution
10.  Soccer makes me happy.
11.  Some day I would like to... Win the lottery
12.  I often worry about... Not having my room clean
13.  I feel good at school when... I do great on a test
14.  If I could trade places with any one in the world, I would trade with nobody
15.  My favorite animal is my dog Shadow
16.  I think a good role model for me is My mom

I will now retake the worksheet as a 25 year old:

1.  Physical Description  Tall, Slim, Athletic Build, Smiling
2.  Favorite Food  Various smoothies I make for myself
3.  Least Favorite Food  Most meat and dairy
4.  Favorite Place to Visit  Hmmm... Michigan.  Ann Arbor in the summertime with friends and family. Western Michigan and the Upper Peninsula.  But perhaps only to visit and not to live...
5.  Favorite Book  Ishmael, Born to Run, The Dharma Bums, The Secret
6.  A happy day in my life was when...  I paid off my student loans.  All of summer of 2008, 2009. 2010, 2011... I guess I really like summer.
7.  A sad day in my life was when...  Several winter days in Michigan.  A pet rabbit named Charmander died and we had him cremated.
8.  Favorite Movie  2001: A Space Odyssey, This is England, Gummo, Ken Park, In the Mood for Love, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
9.  If I could change anything in the world, I would...  keep changing myself and assist lifestyle change of the global population to direct individuals towards health, happiness, and fulfillment.  What might that entail?  Not sure.  But probably make things more simple: work, food, needs, daily life...
10.  Friends, Family, Love, and Sunshine make me happy.
11.  Some day I would like to... Live off the grid with my lover, family, and/or friends
12.  I often worry about... Not having enough time to do
13.  I feel good at school when... it doesn't require money or a test
14.  If I could trade places with any one in the world, I would trade with nobody
15.  My favorite animals are Alaskan Husky, Sea Turtles, Tigers, Pandas, Koalas
16.  I think a good role model for me is My mom, Dos Equis' "Most Interesting Man," and that crazy naked person that just outran the cops

Next up is a document of books I checked out from the library for the accelerated reader program in 1997:

- 3 different titles of The Magic School Bus
- Where the Wild Things Are...
- The Haunted Mask
- Song and Dance Man
- Let's Get Invisible!
- The Grouchy Ladybug

Very interesting!  I feel like some of these titles may be well below 5th grade reading level.  But I do recall getting free candy if you got a perfect score per book test... and I do love candy!

Next up is math document:

It contains 23 long division problems.  15 of the problems are blank (maybe I wrote on a separate sheet of paper, maybe not) and the remaining 8 I wrote "Skip" under them.

Perhaps I knew at a young age that I should just use the calculator in my desk and that long division is a waste.

The next document is a worksheet titled, "Life on Earth Decision-Making Frame."  It has 3 boxes that I filled out from which I received a blue star:

Question Box:  Is there life everywhere on Earth?

Important Info:  Parts of Antarctica there are no life.  Like in the coldest part and in the water there is no life.  The deepest part of the ocean is unexplored.  Parts of the desert are also unexplored.

Decision Box:  No there is not!

This was interesting and I like the title.  I think University's should give out a similar worksheet with your diploma when you graduate.  Perhaps a "Life on Earth After College Decision-Making Frame" and one tailored to those who study the liberal arts, have little chance employment, and no clear direction for life on Earth.

I must say that I am disappointed my teacher didn't tell me when I was wrong.  It took me more than a decade later to realize there are microscopic worms and organisms that live in arctic and antarctic ice.  Knowing that would have been much cooler than getting a blue star on my paper.

I apparently made decisions with exclamation points when I was 10 years old.  What self confidence!  I think we all should make greater efforts to make decisions in our lives with exclamation points.  If it turns out we're wrong, who cares!  At least we'll know there is Life on Earth and really cool worms that live in the ice.

I also found this document interesting since I have considered working in Antarctica within the last 3 months.  I met someone in Puerto Rico whose daughter's best friend is a baker on one of the science bases!  A frickin' baker in Antarctica!  That's crazy, right?!  Well, I guess scientists have to eat.

Before you write me off as crazy, which I may very well be, I will give you my romanticized logic:

- I am most inspired to learn when I surround myself with new environments, people, communities.

- In college I was surrounded by some people that wanted to change the world and some people that wanted to drink a lot and not figure out how to keep the world spinning.  For several years post-college I was surround by a lot of my liberal arts filmmaking friends.  Within the last year, I've surrounded myself by new age kinda people and ideas which has inspired me to learn and take control of my health while doing things I once thought incapable.  I will be surrounded by a totally new environment and people in Chile and will be inspired to learn the language and culture.  Who and what else can I surround myself with to learn?  What about scientists?  Yes scientists!

- I realized in Puerto Rico that I really do enjoy working in the greenhouse and partaking in the growth of my own food.  I was at peace outside.

- I am considering grad school to learn a new subject or interest.  But I wouldn't do it if that required I reenter education loans and debt.  I think debt is counter-intuitive to life.  If you think that is a radical statement to make that is okay.  I won't explain myself now.  I would rather be radical and skateboard and eat pizza.

- What better way to learn while being surrounded by scientists and working in a greenhouse in one of the harshest environments on Earth?

- And perhaps surrounding myself by scientists could be one route to finding the dream job or work as a travel or environmental filmmaker.  National Geographic here I come.

So maybe after Chile I'll be in Antarctica.  Right now it's just a fun idea twirling around in my head.  Being physically closer to Antarctica makes it twirl a little more.

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If you have any insight or reflections from 1997, 5th grade, or Antarctica, please leave me a comment on the post.  I'm interested to hear where you were then.

[And instead of editing, packing, or sleeping,  I spend an hour writing and thinking about ice worms.  Sometimes I just don't know where I'm going... physically or mentally...]

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Change of Place. Back in Michigan. Change of Diet?


Well, I'm back in Michigan staying with my folks for a month before moving to Chile.

Before I left Puerto Rico and the Ann Wigmore Natural Health Institute, Kelly came to visit me.  We spent a week driving around the coast exploring the island.  We took the ferry from Fajardo and went to the island of Culebra for a few nights.  The beaches and snorkeling was fantastic!  Lot's of sea turtles!  

I really love Puerto Rico:  Its people, mountains, rain forests, beaches and its tropical produce.

I really love its tropical produce!  The coconuts, bananas, papayas, oranges, limes, grapefruit, avocados, mangos, watermelons, and more... 

However, I was really happy to eat an apple yesterday, or rather, several apples.  It's tough to find a good organic apple shipped to PR.  I needed a separation from Michigan to realize how much I love and appreciate simple things like apples, cherries, berries, etc...

I will now miss the tropical foods very much.  Anyone who hung out with me in PR may attest to the vast amount of bananas I ate.   I believe I could beat anyone in a banana eating contest.  The PR bananas and varieties are SO GOOD.  One banana that I believe they called "apple banana" has a berry like flavor that would sometimes make me feel like I was eating strawberry shortcake or a similar desert- just the banana!  Brilliant!

While traveling around PR, it was difficult to find good greens whenever I left the institute where we were growing greens ourselves.  So, I usually resorted to a high fruitarian diet.  The best place to buy fruit is not from the supermarkets but from all the fruit stands that are set up daily on busy roads.

While visiting a beach one day, I stood out like a total foreigner as I ate watermelon.  Although I was the only white kid on the beach- tanned white kid that is- it was my watermelon that was drawing attention.  I cut it half and scooped it out with a spoon.  A young group of locals started talking to me and thought it was funny how I ate the watermelon like a bowl.  I'm not sure if it was just the way I was eating it that was weird or if eating watermelon on the beach in general is weird...  We communicated a bit with our little understanding and speaking of English and Spanish.  It was nice. 

Although I was able to use Puerto Rico's abundant raw tropical fruit to create a healthy diet for myself, I found this contrasted with much of the island both culturally and economically.  Unfortunately, there is an abundant amount of fast food in Puerto Rico.  Traditional bakeries are everywhere serving nutritionally lacking products of refined sugars and flours.  Food carts and trucks are parked on every street and corner serving fried meats, plantains (tostones) and other foods.  Obesity is very common and it seems like fry oils are as imbedded in the current culture as it is in the cells and pores of the people.

---

I thought about food and health a lot while I was in Puerto Rico:  What foods do I like most?  Eat most?  What fuels me best for my particular body type and activity?  Where do these foods come from?  

I recall reading a nutrition book that challenged me with a radical suggestion that sounded something like this:

The majority of your food should come from fresh local seasonal produce.  Perhaps you should MOVE to the region whose produce and growing season suits your diet and needs.

Woah!  This idea may seem far out but it makes intuitive sense to me.  

From my little bit of studies and experience, I think that diets and health use to be very traditional.   People adapted to the available and abundant food sources of their geographic region.  For example, a high consumption of seal, whale, salmon for Alaskan eskimos.  High consumption of fish, rice, and sea vegetables in Japan and coastal regions.  Corn and chia staples for the Tarahumara tribe of Mexico.  Perhaps high fruitarian diet for the tropics...

Perhaps particular people have physically adapted to better digest and perform with foods of that region as well, or perhaps sought the food that suited their needs best.  For example, the Tarahumara is known for being a running tribe and their diet includes chia seed that has the property to retain water for a longer period of time when soaked, which is important for hydration in hot climates.  I haven't studied any of this enough though to really know...  

When I say adapt, I mean to eat to really live healthily and not just survive but thrive.  In terms of Puerto Rico, I cannot believe that the people have adapted because they thrive best on a high diet of fried foods.  Obesity doesn't seem essential for thriving in the tropics whereas it may be for insulation and survival in the Arctic. 

Right now, I do believe there is no optimal universal diet.  That belief relies on the premise that I couldn't recommend a high tropical fruit diet for an eskimo that lives in freezing temperatures.  It simply isn't possible, at least naturally.

Although if a universal diet is possible, I think it would include a very high quantity of GREENS.  The Ann Wigmore Living Foods Lifestyle is created in a very SIMPLE way in terms of ingredients for a universal approach to health and healing.  The main staples are sprouts and greens along with sprouted nuts, seeds, fruits, veggies and fermented foods.  I believe there is much truth to the Living Foods Lifestyle in which you can then add or tweak foods for your own personal needs. 

Bananas are probably one of the biggest staples in my diet because they are my go-to base for breakfast smoothies.  There are very few days when my breakfast is not a smoothie.  My typical smoothie in Puerto Rico would contain some combination of bananas, almond milk, rejuvelac, chia seed, avocado, coconut, sprouted buckwheat groats, sunflower greens, mixed greens, carob, mango, or papaya.

Now that I'm back in Michigan, I'm thinking of how I may rework my smoothie a bit more for this region... however, I'll probably still eat a good amount of bananas for now, even though they don't taste as great.

---

Perhaps I am may be best suited to live in a tropical region.  However, I'm not gonna settle yet.  I'm gonna keep traveling and exploring:  Looking for the geography, the community, the food, the fun and everything else in life that suits me best.

I'm not saying I'm gonna settle in the tropics one day just for a banana.  Food is very important to me, but there are plenty of other aspects aside from a year round growing season that support the lifestyle I'm creating:  Lots of sunshine, barefoot running on the beach, the fresh air by the sea, the latin music and percussion.  I love the idea of living in a thatch tree house that I make myself...  I love the fact that I just spent the first winter in a long time where I didn't experience a fair to significant amount of seasonal depression during winter in Michigan.  The only thing I really missed was friends and family.  But, just like fruit, I realize by separation how much I appreciate them! 

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Change of Place: Coming Home and Heading Out

Okay!  Here is my exciting personal news!  It was a rainy day in Puerto Rico, I've been taking classes last week and this week to receive my Living Foods Lifestyle certificate, I'm still working full time, and preparing to leave the Ann Wigmore Natural Health Institute (for now)... so I'm exhausted.  The video may not express my excitement as well as I would like... but I'm excited!!!

(P.S. I'm becoming conscious of my "And" fillers and am working to remove those for more concise videos when I'm too tired or lazy to edit.)


Saturday, April 21, 2012

Making Change: The Documentary Thrive - Challenging Ideas, Questions, Answers, Solutions


The documentary film Thrive was released a few weeks ago for free on Youtube.  Watch the trailer above and the full film below.  I really do hope you'll live 2 hours of your life watching this.  I think it's important.  And there are few things I find important.  Maybe it will change your life.  Or maybe you'll change your life.  Find out more about the Thrive movement on the website.

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The description of my blog in the top left corner there has stayed pretty consistent even though my blog itself is all about CHANGE.  Maybe that means CHANGE is a consistent process that is always CHANGING.

I don't know.

My blog description says, "It contains a variety of stuff I don't fully understand and probably never will..."  This is still very true.  But, I just lived 2 hours of my life to watch Thrive the documentary which provides some very good explanations for some of the questions I've been asking of both my life and life in general.

I sometimes find it really hard to identify or connect with humans and the world.  I sometimes feel crazy or alone with some of the ideas that swirl in my head.  I've been working on making positive change in my life but am always confused by how to make positive change in the world.  That step usually introduces concepts like politics, economics, or other things that get people so charged up... And the concept of politics and economics themselves do not make sense to me.

With American politics, I never understand why there are only 2 political parties or sets of major beliefs and why we have to vote on one or the other.  I cannot identify with either.  I also can never understand why people who choose to identify with a particular group hold onto those beliefs so rigidly as though it is necessary for their survival.  I do identify with Darwinism, evolution, adaptation, change, and survival of the fittest.  That makes sense to me.  It's a system that nature created.  Change is natural.  Everything changes.  But man created politics which is an unnatural and very complex system where the concept of "survival of the fittest" is distorted.

At times, it's also hard for me to understand beliefs just as a general concept.  It seems that when beliefs never change, people may attach a certain sense of pride to holding them.  And in many cases, this may work well.  It gives a sense of reliability, security, and predictability to actions that may be useful.  But what if you chose a wrong belief in the beginning but you didn't know better?  And the pride in holding that belief has now dug you into a big hole that will be tough to climb out of without 'losing face' among your peers.  What if it's not only your peers but your family?  I experienced an example of this:

Simply put:  Two close family members of mine were living their lives in a way that one older family member did not believe in.  It was a very strong belief associated to religion.  The belief was strong enough that it escalated to an argument with another close family member who was then "banned" from the believer's house and family.  The believer cited during their argument how many years they had stood up for what they believed in as though it was a justification.

But it never made sense to me.  I cannot justify supporting a belief or idea over a family member.  I could never understand religion, really.  I can understand the joy getting together once a week, singing, having a continental breakfast and planning community events.  But, I cannot understand how religion has created so much division, wars and killing among so many people in the history of mankind.  

I don't believe in religion, but I very much believe in spirituality and am on a path of exploring that.  I do believe in family.  I do believe in love.

Beliefs can be very powerful.  But to change your beliefs is even more powerful.

And the economy.  Wow!  That certainly does not make sense to me.  I got stiffed on one of the worst freelance jobs I ever did.  The company never paid me and after months of emails, I finally receive an explanation, "Due to the poor economy... we are unable to pay you at this time. "  What?  What do you mean?  What does the economy have to do with this?  How am I suppose to make sense of that?  Does that really work?  Can I just start telling people, bill collectors, banks, and the government that I simply cannot pay them back at the time due to the poor economy?

When it comes to the economy, I simply wish I didn't need to participate.  When I graduated from college, the one truth I did know was that I needed to pay off my loans right away so that I could be free.  Free from debt.  Free to choose what job I wanted and not have to worry about its pay.  Free to be in control of my own life and not have my choices be influenced by fear of not having enough money.  Free to explore a life worth living.  I've spent half of the past year doing work exchange: I don't receive any money, but I have a bed and healthy nourishing food, and I don't have many stresses of bills etc.  The only time I worry about money is when I need to get to the next place.  I've been much happier living this way.

Now that I've been taking control of my health and realize how important natural food and nutrition are to preventing and healing serious illnesses and cancers... I have even more questions:

Why is so much time, money, and resources spent on cancer research when I see so many personal witnesses come through these natural health centers and either make dramatic improvements or heal themselves completely of cancer and other illnesses?  What is all this find a cure talk about?  Why is little to no nutritional classes and education required for medical degrees?  Why are doctors telling my grandparents that they cannot eat too many greens because it will thicken their blood?  Why is organic produce more expensive?  Why are non-organic methods even used still when it's known that organic farming methods maximize nutrients while preserving and recycling natural resources?  Why do we spend so much water, produce, time, and resources to raise a mass amount of animal meat products that only give us derivative nutrition while severely polluting our natural resources?  Why do I only remember eating beef and cheese nachos everyday during middle school with a quarter cup of iceberg lettuce and tablespoons of italian dressing?  How is it possible for a large agricultural company to patent corn seeds and nature and sue other farmers for intellectual property theft when their seeds blow naturally in the wind onto their neighboring property?

If you wonder any of these same questions, or wonder what your doing with your life, or what you should do... maybe you should watch this film.  Ask questions about yourself, your life, and what you want life to be.  Don't accept it as it is because life is always changing and you have the power to make the change you want to see in the world.

A lot of my questions and developing ideas were aligned while watching this film.  There were also many ideas introduced that really challenged my ideas and understanding.  The end of the film does provides some positive directions and solutions for the future.  Check it out.  I'm curious to know what you think.