Change in Speech: Don't Judge a Dumb Kid by His Stutter

I've been reflecting on this year and the past as I approach 2011.  It's been a great year!  Although lately it's been a bit of a bummer...  I feel a bit stuck in my present situation: Temporarily broke and not totally sure which direction I'm going.  It also doesn't help when you have a college degree and get turned down for a job as a stock person- a job that I did when I was 15.  Although I guess when I did have that job at 15, I stopped going because I hated it.  So it goes.

I'm still attempting to make a living at doing what I love: Work related to film, photography, art, education, or travel.  But that still encompasses SEVERAL life paths... So I'm exploring what exactly I like doing without investing myself in a career that I don't like doing.  

While at my Grandma's for Christmas, I found her old VHS camcorder, with which she still shoots home videos. It's one of the huge cameras that feels like you're holding a rocket launcher as you shoot your 3 year old kid- man has technology CHANGED! It's equally impressive to see a lady in her 70s saddle that bad camera on her shoulder. Good work grandma! 

My state of the bummers was recently enlightened by the above home video I dug up: A document of me as a dumb 3 year old with a speech impediment. For a minute, I totally forgot I use to stutter. My mom sent me to speech school when I was 4 years old. I remember I couldn't say words like "think" because I couldn't make the "th" sound. If someone asked me their opinion, I would say, "I sink that..." or "I sink so..." Man was it difficult to express myself when my thoughts were drowning in the challenges of speech.

You can also see that I had difficulty grasping simple life questions like:

Grandma's Question: What's the name of [your guinea pig]?

My Answer: Me don't have rabbit... eh, ma, ma, my rabbit died...

Looking back at this video I realize I've come a long way! I've overcome the loss of a dear pet rabbit, 2 actually (Kelly and I bought a pet rabbit last year and it died), and I can now say what I'm thinking while answering relatively simple questions. That progress is encouraging when I now have to grapple with those big questions like, "What do I do with my life?"

Now I certainly cannot answer that yet... But hopefully I just need time and patience. And when I figure it out, I'll boast with the energy of a stuttering 3 year old and yell:

"Kia! Ha!"

Change Your Kid? No Way!

My 8th grade friends who signed my yearbook would write, "Don't ever change!"

Now that's kind of a silly phrase because things are always changing and I've certainly changed since then... But, I think they were still on to something...

I may have "grown up" by growing a foot taller but I still find myself acting like a kid most of the time.  I'm 24 and I still don't consider myself an "adult."  It's partly due to a few incidences throughout my public education where I found the "adults, the educators, the people who are right," to be hypocritical, ignorant, pessimistic and often wrong.  At a young age, I couldn't make sense of the adult world which I was suppose to be preparing for.

Luckily, I'm pursuing a career path in the arts with film where your "inner child" is often encouraged.  It's important to look at things with a childlike curiosity, to see things new, to continue to learn.  It's also important to balance your inner child.  Some people take it too far, like the directors who throw tantrums on set and act like a baby.  Here's a good example.

Anywho, I was thinking of this because I just had a great time at my little cousin's birthday party which was at a "bouncy" kids place: lots of moon walks.  I might have had more fun then they did!  My brother-in-law and I were "warned" for slam dunking on the basketball bouncy.  It was awesome!

Here's a video of it.

It's always been a little dream of mine that if I ever become a millionaire, I would buy a few acres of land and fill it with trampolines side-by-side.  That way I could spend a whole weekend just jumping around, you know?

Did I also mention that some "grown up" friends of mine reunited over Thanksgiving at Zap Zone?  Well we did.  And I still think it's awesome to destroy teenagers in laser tag!

So, this may be contradictory to most things I say on this blog... but hey kids, "Don't ever change!"

Change in Money: It's Official, Google Paid Me!

Yes!  

I checked my bank account today to see if there was money in there...

And guess what?  Google Adsense deposited $108.43 in my account!  Heck yes!

It's OFFICIAL: I have finally made money off this blog!

This is the first compensation I have received since I started this blog at the beginning of the year.

And that's pretty awesome change.

I have to thank my readers and these little advertising boxes on the page.  Nearly every click puts $1 in my pocket.  That helps me put one candy bar or can of PBR in my stomach.  So thank you! (BTW, you don't have to buy or sign up for anything... just click.)

Now, really though, this is kind of a big deal!  I mean, I'm kind of getting paid to write this blog now... Does that make me a professional?  I don't know...  I'm not an expert on change nor am I making a living from it yet... [$108.43 / (26 Posts so far * Avg. 2 hrs per post) = Approx. $2.09 per hr]  But it's certainly a start!  Please share my blog with others and maybe one day I can make a living off of it!  And you could come live with me on my couch while I write!

Maybe I could still call myself a professional writer though... it's kinda like how every filmmaker is an "Award Winning Filmmaker" because they won a student film festival or something... By the way, I'm an "Award Winning Filmmaker."  I sometimes say that on resumes or job applications... it's kind of annoying... but I know if I say, "Hey, I'm a cool guy and I'll do a good job," it doesn't really work well... They want credentials!

Now money has the power to change people.  And I'm not denying its potential power over me too.  So I'm relying on you, dear readers, to keep both myself and my blog content in check.  I appreciate any comments and feedback.  Also, please "Follow" my blog if you're not doing so already.  Thanks! 

I promise that you can continue to expect change in myself, my blog, and the world.  But don't expect this new found income to bring about a new flashy change of wardrobe or car.  I'll still be wearing $2 flannels, I'll still be driving the Aveo, I'll still be living at my sisters for the time being, and I still can't afford a coke habit.

Still,

-Lazer

Change in Relationship: Long Distance

My awesome girlfriend just flew to Vail, CO for the winter season to be a snowboard instructor.

I am not moving out there... at least yet... although I'll be visiting... time/money permitting... I have a short film to make here in Michigan and a few other things to take care of...

This will be a significant change in our relationship as we've spent nearly 24/7 with each other for quite some time.

I'll miss you Kel!

Change of Clothes

Naked Atlantic
Night Crashes Throw Me Splashes
Need Life Shivers Now

Change in Michigan Industry. No Change with Michigan Film Incentives.

My Michigan filmmaker friends at Deep Blue Pictures produced the above video. It's part of the new campaign: High Five for Film Incentives!

This campaign is necessary to share the positive impact and change that Michigan’s Film Incentives have created in this state. If you want keep this positive change in Michigan and allow it to develop, then please share your comments and stories on the High Five for Film Incentives website. More importantly, if you support the incentives, voice your concern to your state representatives.

The recent report from the Senate Fiscal Agency issued in September 2010 by economist David Zin drew the conclusion that the film incentives are not working, or not working enough.

Jim Burnstein recently defended the state’s film incentives against the issued report in his testimony to the Senate finance committee last Thursday, Nov. 4, 2010. Burnstein is a UofM film professor, Screenwriter and Vice Chairman of the Michigan Film Office Advisory Council. He’s been studying film tax incentives for several years following the states that have succeeded and the states that have failed from initiating incentives. He also played a major role in the passage of Michigan's incentives.

One of the key points Jim made during his testimony, which was highly attended, myself included, was that…

The purpose of the legislation was to make the people rich, not the government itself rich.

If you make any change to the film incentive bill, the state and the many Michigander’s who have invested into this industry will lose everything they started.

Leave the film incentives alone. Period.

He strongly advised that the state must wait at least 5 years before you can accurately assess the economic impact of the film incentives. Not to mention the report by Zin doesn’t account for the “overall value” the film incentives are making.

Burnstein describe this overall value with a few examples of positive change:

1. Image. The Senate Fiscal report doesn’t account for the positive change in Michigan’s image as a result of the free positive press and publicity that the state is receiving all over the world generated from the film incentives. This also benefits tourism, one of Michigan’s few industries. And you can’t put a price tag on the ability to revamp Detroit’s image, which has often been the laughing stock in world press for years. Take this video for example with nearly 3 million views.  I bet Cleveland will soon wish it was Detroit.

2. Reverse Change in Brain Drain. Burnstein cited an impressive list of innovators and CEOs who we’re educated in Michigan’s publicly funded institutions, only to leave the state after graduation and make their millions elsewhere. What kind of investment is that? Since the film incentives passed in 2008, Burnstein witnessed several of his students, myself included, stay in Michigan to seek opportunities with the film incentives.

Unfortunately, it seems Burnstein’s testimony may not have gotten through to Sen. Nancy Cassis, R-Novi, the Senate Finance Committee chair. I realized that a Senate Finance Committee hearing doesn’t necessarily mean they are listening. I was disgusted at how distracted Sen. Cassis was during Burnstein’s testimony. While Burnstein defended the film incentives, and described why the Senate’s report is misleading, Sen. Cassis turned her back to order lunch. Listening to the people is a part of the job responsibility for a state representative. Sen. Cassis’ poor listening skills surprised me. She rarely made eye contact throughout Burnstein’s testimony and it seemed the majority of her time was spent overlooking her prepared statement that she would close the hearing with.

Those in attendance at the hearing may have found Sen. Cassis closing statement to be contradictory. After Burnstein cited several of the ripple effects of the film industry and how it affects several industries (construction, hospitality, transportation, security, and more), Sen. Cassis said that the film industry in Michigan is a “boutique” industry that only affects a privileged few. She said the film incentives play favorites, what if we passed incentives to support graphic design instead? I don’t think Sen. Cassis knows that graphic designers may be hired in the art department on film sets.

She also said that supporters of the film incentives are unrealistically hopeful and they only provide anecdotes of support and not facts. She provided her own anecdote saying that when she was young, she had a once in a lifetime opportunity to intern in Washington D.C. Instead of taking that opportunity, she said she married and move to Michigan to work in the auto industry. She tried to express optimism that you can give up on dreams and still find opportunities. This seemed to be the advice she gave to all of the young people in the room.

The problem with her position now is that the auto industry is no longer an opportunity. It is dead- well, in some respect I think so. Although working in film is a dream that is being realized by many people in the state of Michigan, young and old, it is also one of the few positive state movements towards diversifying it’s economy and moving away from an auto only economy.

LOOK: I’m not a politician, I’m not an economist, I’m not a scientist, and I’m not an expert on anything. But I too, like Sen. Cassis am interested in “facts.” But the facts I’m interested are not facts of numbers or facts of budgets, I’m in interested in FACTS OF CHANGE.

Change is a necessity for survival. Fact. It’s Darwinism and survival of the fittest. Your surrounding environment is always changing and you must adapt to survive.

When I look at Michigan, I see a state that was innovative more than a hundred years ago to build the largest auto industry. Then I see a state that threw away nearly all it’s economic diversity to capitalize on this auto industry. It worked great for a long time and it seems that a lot of people expected great wages forever. When I see the auto industry, I see lack of foresight. To think that you could produce the same car forever, a car that runs on fuel created from extinct dinosaurs and other matter, it is unrealistic to think that economy may be sustainable (But, they're slowly changing). It’s the same with real estate. There’s a limited amount of land and you cannot keep building and selling houses forever- at least in the same capacity it was going...

I’m sorry for those who are unemployed and suffer from this economy… but I’ll restate a fact of change, a fact of life: It’s survival of the fittest and you must adapt. The environment, the economy, the people around you, etc will always be changing whether you notice it or not. You must change too if you want any chance of survival.

The Michigan Film Incentives seem to be the state’s only attempt towards positive change and adapting its economy. Or at least it's the largest attempt that is positively affecting several industries (hotel/hospitality, restaurants, tourism, construction, and more...)  I’m certainly open to other solutions but right now, no other politicians, including Sen. Cassis, can offer an alternative in which Michigan can adapt. Instead, they suggest changing the film incentives, one of the state's few good implements. 

Please voice your concern to your state representatives, along with Sen. Cassis, and soon the new change of governor Rick Snyder.

To read Jim Burnstein’s testimony find the .PDF at the bottom right side of the screen on the Michigan Film Office's website.

Also, here’s a recent article in the Free Press of Burnstein’s testimony.

Change in Karma: Camera Gear, Lost and Found

Lost Flyer by Kelly

Kelly and I park our car near the marina on Douglas Island, AK. We shoot a few photos across the water of Juneau, we get back in the car and drive across the bridge to Juneau library.

After parking the car I realize the back door hatch is wide open! Either I forgot to shut the door or I didn’t close it all the way and it popped open. There was no way to notice the wide open door while driving because our car is filled with so much crap that you cannot see a thing out the back, let alone hear a sound. Nor did anyone honk at us on the 8 minute drive to indicate that our life possessions we’re dangling precariously from our tiny car.

This is our stuff that was in our car while the back door hung open...

I’m panicking as I survey the back of the car, fearing what may be missing. My camera bag… it’s not there! My chest clenches and I say my favorite swears for a full minute. We jump back in our car and immediately retrace our route back to Douglas Island. Nothing. We retrace the route a second time as I repeatedly hit the steering wheel and yell my favorite swears. I hit the steering wheel so hard that my hand is sore and I hope my car allows me to vent my frustration without ejecting my airbag.

The disappointment of my idiocy and losing the camera bag sinks in.

Luckily, my camera was in the front of the car and not in the bag. However, I still have lost all my accessories valued at approximately $500. Not to mention important photos still on my memory cards.

In further idiocy, I don’t think my bag had a name tag on it… If it did, it was probably my old home address and phone number. Even if someone tried to return it, there would be a likely chance it may get lost in the mail…

[Insert a long string of swear words here.]

It’s approximately 7pm and we’re scheduled to leave Juneau on the ferry the following afternoon. Kelly and I have little time to employ lost and found efforts...

We post a listing on Craigslist even though it’s not widely used in Alaska.

We file a police report. [P.S. This is probably the best place to return something if you cannot find the owner yourself.]

And last but not least, we used the good old fashioned “Lost” flyer. Kelly drew up the flyers while I taped them all over Douglas Island: the marina, parks, cafes, gas station, library, telephone poles and more.

We get on the ferry the next day with less photographic resources to document the remaining part of our expedition. My tripod is also rendered useless because both tripod plates we’re in the camera bag…

We arrive in Sitka, AK the next morning. I check my voicemail, fingers crossed… nothing.

I’m really hoping for good karma at this point. Earlier this spring I found a wallet while running through the woods. I went to the address on the license which was a halfway home where no one heard of the guy. With no luck finding him myself, I went to the police who were able to track him down through an employer on the check stub. I hoped that this one-hour good deed would come back to me one day…

And it did!

The next day I received a voicemail from a woman who had my camera bag. Apparently, it fell out of the back of my car in front of her home where someone later found it and brought it to her door. The next day, she had found our illustrated “Lost” flyer at the café!

Boom! The old school "Lost and Found" flyers actually worked! What a relief! The kind woman even fronted the money to ship the case back to me. Thank goodness for her and thank the goodness of Alaska!  After receiving the bag in the mail, I sent back a small reward check along with some good karma I’m sure!

Change in Competence: From a Second Story Ladder in Alaska

Marty at the end of a great day of work.  Ninilchik, AK.

I made it to Alaska. I traveled here by road with my girlfriend Kelly over the course of 4 weeks. We’re over 4,000 miles away from home. When we crossed the Alaskan border, we reviewed our dwindling finances. We knew that to keep this expedition going in the long run, we would have to make some capital. We spent the past few days applying to any possible jobs and gigs we could find on Craigslist.

Our Camp on Bishop's Beach, Homer, AK.

I wake up to early day light with a breath of the sea. I’m laying on Bishop’s beach in Homer, AK where Kelly and I slept the past two nights in the open air without a tent. It’s overcast and cold with a wet drizzle. We managed to stay warm by huddling around a beach wood fire and burying hot rocks in the sand beneath us to create a warm toasty bed.

Today will be a new day. A day of new found competence.

We’re driving North to the town of Ninilchik. I’m going to hang drywall and do handyman work for a couple of days. I’m a bit anxious as we pull up to the cabin because I’ve never hung drywall before…

 Day 3: Marty Sanding.  Cabin in Background.  Ninilchik, AK.

I use to work summers with my dad who is a carpenter. The majority of our work was steel framing in finished basements. Through that, I understood the layout and procedure for hanging drywall but never had to do it myself. I ignored this small detail while exaggerating my construction experience on the telephone to Ken, the homeowner who hired me. Hey, I need the job.

I’m hanging drywall with Jon, the full-time handyman who lives in a small cabin on Ken’s property. Normally, hanging drywall sucks, especially ceiling drywall. Really, it sucks really, really bad. Those who have done it or do it on a regular basis know. However, after this particular ten hour day, the soreness in my arms and on the top of my head felt really good: I’m traveling in Alaska, without an itinerary, exploring at will, and making a little money to keep it going. This is awesome!

 Jon's Cabin on the Right.  Ninilchik, AK.

After work Kelly and I cook up dinner: A delicious scramble of eggs, red potatoes, onions, peppers, and cheese. We eat and drink over a merry bonfire with Jon. The view at the fire pit is incredible: The property sits on a cliff above the beach that overlooks the bay and four volcanoes. We camp there for the night.

 Beach Houses.  The property I was working at is up on the cliff.

 The View from the fire pit.  Not a bad way to end the day, eh?

Jon and I finish up the drywall on the second day. Meanwhile, Kelly is hanging out on the beach painting. Jon and I then start tackling a list of loose ends around the cabin. First up, is to hang some flashing on the roof.

I managed the first day without making a fool of myself. I looked like I knew what I was doing… and for the most part I did. However, my lack of experience became apparent on day two. While working with my dad, I only worked of 8-12 foot ladders. I’ve never done any roofing or high ladder work… and Jon could tell. On my attempt to the roof, Jon noticed my cautious steps. “You haven’t done much high ladder work have you?” “Nope!”

So here I am: Standing on a ladder at the roof of a tall 2 story cabin. My knees are a bit week as I sling my drill over the top of the roof to screw in the flashing. I finish and take moment to admire the height I climbed. I wonder how long I’ll be in debt if my uninsured body falls to the ground and survives. Is this $150 a day worth it? I try not to think about it and I look out over the roof. From here, the view is incredible. I see the beach, the water, and the volcanoes in the distance. More importantly, for the first time, I see the Alaskan sun. After a month of straight rain and overcast days during this record breaking season of summer gloom, the sun is finally out to play. My skin tans under the blue skies and it feels great!

It was at this moment while standing precariously on a two story ladder that I have a profound feeling of competence. Everything felt right. Everything felt possible. I felt like “I made it.” I could do anything. Be anything. I am capable of traveling far distances and figuring out the necessary means to survive. Boom! I am a competent individual.

I express these feelings outwardly into the world with a simple smile and then I climb down the ladder.

After work, Ken, his wife Elle, and their friend Kurt returned with some fresh Halibut they caught that day. Elle cooks up an excellent fried fish dinner for all of us and we enjoy another excellent bonfire with drinks while the sun sets over the volcano in the distance.

On the third day, I work a half day to finish up some loose ends. Kelly and I leave that afternoon. We take away a great experience and a bit of money to keep our journey going!

 Day 3: Finishing up some sanding.

 I feel more competent with work that makes you sweaty and dirty.

Kelly and I played on the beach after work.
 

We sat here and read for a bit.
 

And then we continued on with our journey...
 

[Names we're changed for people in this article.]

Change in Audience: My Blog is Slowly Reaching the Masses?

There’s been a significant change in the number of hits on my blog.

“Nice!”

Checking my Google stats: My blog received 400+ hits for the month of August. Since I started this blog in January 2010, ~400 hits has been my monthly average. That changed drastically in September. I’m not sure why or how, but my blog received 2500+ hits last month- over a 500 % increase!

"Awesome!"

I’m not sure if this also means an increase in readership… Although I would like to think more people are learning about the changes in my life and the world… Unfortunately, these stats can only be treated as “hits” or “clicks” and not readers who fully read and digest material- there’s so much ADD in the world. Perhaps more robots or aliens are catching onto my presence, or maybe government agencies like the FBI or CIA are finally red flagging me for the power I convey on change… Or maybe I shamelessly tagged a post with “Justin Bieber” to tap into the large preteen internet audience…

Whatever it may be, I still hope I’ve gained a few new readers and I hope you continue to change and learn about my change by subscribing to my blog.

Also, thanks to your readership, I’ve made a total of $77.24 since I started this blog! THANKS! It’s not the best hourly wage… but I still am one step closer to making money without doing anything- one of my side projects. If I ever get a day job, maybe one day I’ll be able to quit it so I can pursue a CAREER IN CHANGE! Whatever the outcome may be, I appreciate your support!

For the new Changers, here are some of my favorite posts from the past:

2010: A Year of Change (My first post.)

Change at the Party: Move a Car with Your Bare Hands

Change in Waste: Confessions of a Compost Virgin

Change in Sleep: The Filmmaker’s Schedule + Dementia

Change in Money: Suck My Debt!

Change in Lifestyle: Dreaming to Live Out of a Car

For my loyal readers and Changers, I’m sorry I haven’t had time to write in a bit… but I look forward to sharing the upcoming posts in the near future…

Change in Possessions: Lost and Found – Old School

Change in Competence: From a Second Story Ladder in Alaska

Change in Attitudes / Ideas / Beliefs: Freedom of the Hypocrite

Change in Defecation: Pooping Down the River

Keep Changing,

-Lazer

Change in Happiness: "What the Hell Am I Doing with My Life?"

[Wikipedia says, "The smiley face is a well-known symbol of happiness."  However, how to find happiness itself seems to be less well-known...]

I think a majority of us at some time may pose the question in one form or the other, "What the hell am I doing with my life?"  At least I do.  You may ask that question everyday... or perhaps when checking off one of those life mile stones: Graduate from high school, graduate from college, get a job...

I find that most post-college graduates pose this question somewhat frequently.  At least I did when I graduated from a significant college (University of Michigan) without a significant job, nor a significant other... That question came frequently on weekend mornings when I was still recounting my attendance at college parties...

"What the hell am I doing with my life?"  The question itself asks about the present:  What "am I doing" now?  Well, I am writing a blog post now.  But, that's not what I'm doing with my life- at least I hope not.  So, this question seems to be a reflection on one's present, while asking oneself what to do with their future...

The key verb of the question is DO.  The underlying premise of the question is that there is something to do in life.  I don't know if that's completely true but I'd like to think so...  So then, what do you do?

First off, to have a life with a future, you must survive the present.  If you do want to survive, then there are things you must do like drink water, eat food, find shelter, and maybe make time for sleep.  Okay... so what else is there to do in life?  Well, if you're thinking further into the future, that is, the future of you as a species, then you must find a mate, do that mate, and reproduce.

That is is pretty much what most animals do with their lives.

I'm not really sure what humans do with their lives, or rather, what they should do... But, it does seem that most of us need to do more than animals...

And so we did.

One of the biggest things to do for an animal is to eat food.  To eat food, they go around and find it.  Humans use to do this too.  But within the last few thousand years, a majority of human culture changed all that.  Agriculture was introduced, then industrialization came and the majority of land was now owned or claimed.  If you tried to find food or water on the land, now known as property, an owner could rightfully shoot you dead and you would no longer have anything to do.

So you see, over a few thousand years, the majority of humans changed one of the essential things that they must do, that is, find food.  This was the thing to do for humans for hundreds of thousands of years.

Skipping over several evolutionary and cultural details: The great majority of food is no longer found it is bought. Yes, of course you know this.  Nearly everyone buys food.  But, this brought a new thing we must do within our discussion of what to do in life.  To have a life, the thing you must do is survive.  To survive, the big thing to do is eat food.  The majority of us must buy food to eat.  So, to eat, you need money.

So the new thing we must do now is find money.  And because you usually can't find more then a few coins on the ground, the thing we must do is get a job.

I still believe that you don't need a job to survive and there are small groups of people and individuals who continue to prove this... But for the sake of this discussion and mass culture we'll say you do.

The question again, "What the hell am I doing with my life?"

We know what we must do in order to have a life: survive.  But the question is not, "What the hell am I doing with my life to survive?"  People already know how to survive, at least to some degree.  I certainly wasn't waking up black out drunk on a stranger's couch in college wondering, "How am I going to eat today?"  I was really wondering if I would be content to do this day after day...

So we should rephrase the question: "What the hell am I doing with my life to be happy?"

Now that makes the question even more difficult.  Survival is a big thing, but happiness is huge!  That's what most of us want right?  To be happy.

So what do you do to be happy?

There are many things to do that bring happiness to certain people: love, share, act, create, compete, play, build, imagine, dance, listen... to name a few.

But, no one can know what you should do to be happy except for you.  And there's always a good chance that you don't know either.  I know I'm not certain for myself.  No single person is the same, so what works for person X may not work for person Y.

But we do know there are things we must do to survive: drink, eat, sleep, work a job (maybe...).  So why not start with that:  Enjoy drinking, enjoy eating, enjoy sleeping, and enjoy your job!

A 1/3 of the average life is spent sleeping, another 1/3 spent working, and the last 1/3 is spent eating, drinking, and a few electives or hobbies.

If you cannot be happy with the things you must do, then you may have a difficult time finding happiness with the electives...

You may be thinking you've heard this a dozen times, "Do what you love," or, "Enjoy your job."  But that is not what I'm trying to say here.  What if you don't have a job or haven't found what you love?  Then, you may not have anything to really do... except survive... if you want to, which I hope so.

What I am saying is this:  STOP doing everything that doesn't make you happy. Period.  No excuses.  Then, maybe you can find happiness.

If you're not happy with your job, stop it right now.  You can be nice and give a 2 weeks notice, but don't wait any longer.  If you are not happy with you're college classes, drop them.  Don't take any of those "back up" courses or majors to "fall back on" just because your parents wanted you to.  If any parent asks that you study something you don't want to, they do not have your best interests in mind and that is completely unacceptable.  A parent that asks their child to study something they don't want to is saying, "I don't care about your happiness, I only care about your survival."  Animals are able to survive, but humans want something more... or so it seems...

Some may argue that certain people or themselves are destined to be unhappy.  I would like to think that's not true... but I understand, unfortunately, that very difficult circumstances beyond ones control can exist.  However, I would think the majority of people in the world have the power to take control of their happiness.

A lot of us may be misled in our pursuit of happiness by mythic cultural dreams.  The big one in America is: Start at the bottom, and work your way up!  This myth may work for the functioning of an economic system but it doesn't really work for an individual's happiness.  I think a lot of people are realizing this after the recent economic depression.

Certain religions may also mislead us in the pursuit of happiness.  They may contextualize certain happiness as sin while preaching the delay of gratification and the acquisition of wealth as noble.  I'll spare further details to spare a religious argument...

So, "What the hell am I doing with my life?"

I'll continue to ask this question of myself... these thoughts are just my own reflection and I'm not sure if I made any progress...  I don't really intend to tell anyone else what to do except myself.  I'm concerned with my own survival and the survival of my own happiness.  That is the only person I can be responsible for.  However, I do hope that my thoughts and consequent actions may contribute to the survival of happiness elsewhere.

[Comments always appreciated.]

Change in Outer Space: One Small Tweet for Mankind

A recent magazine ad for HP  reads:

------

[Picture of astronaut.]

INTERNET IN

SPACE.

YES, SPACE.

When the International Space Station needed an internet connection, they talked to HP.  So despite the obvious challenges posed by their location, in space, astronauts can now surf the web, send email and, yes, update Twitter while in orbit.

Network your world at HP.com/go/space.

LET'S DO AMAZING  [HP logo]

-----

Hmmm... After rereading the ad, I thought about this for a bit and have a few questions and concerns...

It says the International Space Station needed an internet connection.  And that they talked to HP.  But, it doesn't say HP was the one that provided the solution, or, the only one capable of providing a solution- although the ad may like you to infer that.  I may be over analyzing, but that part doesn't really matter to me anyway...

It says astronauts can now surf the web, send email, and use Twitter while in orbit.  But, it doesn't say why the International Space Station needed an internet connection in the first place.  THAT, is my big question and concern...

I could understand a need for the International Space Station to need internet access for faster communications... or to look up the address for Mars... and I could understand the need for an astronaut to send his/her family an email to boost morale when they cannot catch that outdated wireless phone floating around... I just hope the need for internet in outer space wasn't so an astronaut could use Twitter.  Not that I don't believe in freedom of communication and the pursuit of tweets for all... I would just like to believe there are more serious things to take care of in space...

Don't get my wrong, I love outer space and the idea of "following" an astronaut in outer space is novel... reading hypothetical tweets like, "Just ate a delicious freeze-dried sandwich," or, "Totally blacked out on the moon last night," or even those cry-out-for-help tweets like, "I'm sick and tired of floating wanderously through life... I gotta get outta this space!"

As marvelous as that may be... it seems rather unnecessary... at least to me.

When HP says "Let's Do Amazing" with their slogan, I hope they're referring to more important and amazing things then tweeting in outer space...

If not, I'd say HP is one small tweet for man, and one giant twat for all mankind...

But what do I know... I'm just an Earthling...

Change in Lifestyle: Dreaming to Live Out of a Car

The Chevy Aveo Dream Machine.  Somewhere in Montana.
 

Woah! Dear Readers, I apologize for not writing in quite sometime… I hope I didn't mislead you to think that things stopped changing in my life and that I therefore had nothing more to write about… Actually, the exact opposite is true. So much has changed in my life in the last 2 months that I've hardly had time to catch up and write about it.

The biggest change in my life lately is my lifestyle. I'm currently living out of a car and tent with my partner Kelly.

Why?

Well, we're on a journey we call the Pan-American Dream: We're traveling by road to Alaska and then to Argentina! We're exploring national parks, different countries and people, making our own films/photography, while teaching free film workshops to youth in the majority of places we visit.

We're currently in Jasper National Park in Alberta, Canada and making our way towards Alaska where we'll do our first workshop in Palmer, AK.

It's been a big change to move out of a small apartment and into a small car… and we're still getting use to it. Although we eat a lot of pasta and don't shower much, it does feel a bit like a dream: We wake up early to the sunrise without an alarm clock, pass through gorgeous landscapes, and stop a few minutes to watch baby mountain goats wrestle in the middle of the road. The past 2 weeks have been great!

There were two major forces that realized this adventure:

1. Kickstarter and the family, friends, and strangers that supported our project and helped us raise over $7000- THANK YOU SO MUCH! Kickstarter.com is a great community of people making change. Check it out. See what people are doing. Support them. Start your own project. Make it happen.

2. Attitude. Simply believing and acting like a trip like this would happen regardless of how possible it may seem.

One thing that disturbs me is the way some people may think about dreams. For example, have you ever heard the expression, "Ha! In your dreams!" Although it may be casual, the attitude behind the statement is that your dreams, or dreams at large for that matter, are unattainable. If you let any little idea or thought like this take root, it can cripple you for life.

If you want a simple way to make dreams or anything you want to do happen, then change the way you think and talk about them. Don't say you would love to do this or that, start saying you are going to do this or that. Don't try to do something, JUST DO IT (I guess Nike was onto something…). And sometimes don't think or hesitate too much… It's these simple attitude and thought adjustments that will help make the things you want to do happen. BOOM!

This philosophy of attitude is discussed in further detail by the book and film The Secret. I saw this film during an uncertain post-college time. I was working random freelance work, still showing up at college parties, and every other day wondering, "What the hell am I doing with myself?"

The main idea I took away from The Secret was that if you want to change, do, or be something… First, you have to really believe and imagine that you can do it. From a filmmaker/photographer standpoint, I practice visualization as a primary means to believing. If it's something I want, like a new camera, I imagine myself already having that camera. I really try to see myself holding that new camera, how it feels, and what I may photograph with it. If it's somewhere I want to go, like Alaska, I look at photos and videos and hang up maps in my room as a reminder of where I'm going (notice I didn't say where I want to go). So you see, even if you don't have the best imagination, you can use external resources like film, photographs, books, and more to help you visualize. The important thing is to create and imagine the details. The more detailed your vision is, the greater energy and chance you'll have of actualizing it.

Yesterday was my 24th birthday. I'm in Jasper National Park in Alberta, Canada and I am driving to Alaska. It's been great to look back and see where I've ended up 2 years after college. Throughout this reflection, I found a Word document that I wrote shortly after seeing The Secret. Over a year ago, I printed this out and hung it on the basement wall above my desk in my sister's basement where I use to live. Everyday it was a constant reminder of my short term goals.

Goals for 2009
-Pay off my student loans [Done. Zero debt. Boom!]
-Go to Alaska in the Summer [delayed, but happening now]
-Make a new music video [Charlie Slick Music Video. Check my Vimeo.]
-Write a feature screenplay [Still working on it.]
-Make an animation [I kind of did one. But still need to do more.]
-Get my website up [Yikes… I'm slacking a bit…]
-Meditate 15-30 min everyday [Not as often as I should…]
-Eat less candy and processed foods [I've limited my processed foods… but I still have that sweet tooth!]
-Read more philosophy [Not enough…]
-Read more novels and biographies [Not enough…]
-Exercise and feel great [Pretty good.]
-Play my drum more and get more percussion instruments [Check.]

Things I Want
-A radical girlfriend [Check! Thanks Kelly!]
-A new Macbook Pro [Check. Thanks to a few good freelance gigs.]
-A Canon 5D MkII Camera [Teaching job.]
-Road Trip Gear [Thanks Kickstarter!]

Wow! It feels quite empowering to look at this list that I wrote during a somewhat pathetic, jobless and loveless part of my life and see that I've checked off most of it!

So there you go Dear Reader. I hope you visualize what you want, want to be, want to change. Let me know how it works.

I'll continue to update this blog from the road when things change. If you want to hear more about my trip, follow The Pan-American Dream blog.

Hearts,

-Marty

T

The end of a hike in Glacier N.P.

Change in Conversation: A Bernie J. Sighting

Sasquatch

Loch Ness Monster

Scientists + friends have long debated the existence of the Bernie J. This bipedal humanoid creature belongs to the scholar family and is said to inhabit Southeast Michigan where the majority of sightings have occurred. The Bernie J is primarily a nocturnal creature and can be identified by its unique hat-like features and its habitually long conversations. The Bernie J is known for surprises + hypothetical creations. They are only dangerous to those who don’t have time to talk.

This last weekend, I had the fortunate experience of a Bernie J encounter at my apartment. I conversed with this intelligent creature for 9 hours straight. We talked about film and the changes throughout our lives. We drank Bailey’s and ate multiple chocolate bars. It was almost 9am when the conversation ended. Before we went our separate ways, we lit some sparklers and I was able to snap a quick picture to prove my encounter.

He does exist!

Bernie J

[This inside joke may not be amusing if you've never spotted a Bernie J... sorry if that's the case.]

Change in Dreams: The Development of The Pan-American Dream

Our Kickstarter Page

I had just finished my second year of college while living a semester homeless.  It wasn't the experience I hoped it would be... lacking a certain sense of adventure... mainly because I became focused on passing all 18 credits that term and didn't seek out my original goals or ideas...

I was searching for a sense of freedom... that I didn't attain... so after later reflection on my homeless experience, I made a new plan in my head:  I would graduate from the University of Michigan, pay off all my student loans, and then get "lost" by backpacking throughout the 50 U.S. States.  Perhaps I would be gone a year... maybe more... maybe I could get a taste of this freedom I was looking for...

I graduate from school in May 2008.  I meet Kelly during Fall 2008.  Spring/Summer 2009 Kelly and I start dating and begin to fall in love.  Throughout the summer, my plans change as I realize Kelly would be coming with me on the journey.  It would be for the best as I would have someone special with me to share the experience.  Somewhere along the lines the route changes.  Instead of all 50 states, we decide to go to Alaska and from there, go all the way to Argentina.  And thus, the Pan-American Dream was born.

September 2009, I take a job through a grant at Eastern Michigan University to create and facilitate after-school filmmaking clubs at three high school sites including Wayne Memorial H.S. where I graduated.  The job is one of the most rewarding experiences I've had.  May 2010, I find a colleague to replace my position as Kelly and I prepare for our trip.  However, I want to continue working with youth in film and the creative arts so Kelly and I decide we'll teach free film/photography camps to communities we visit on our route.

March 2010, I pay off my student loans and I am debt free- a fantastic feeling.

May 2010, Kelly graduates from UofM's School of Art.

May/June 1010, Kelly and I continue to prepare for our expedition through research, networking, and fund-raising.

July 6th, 2010, We will depart Ann Arbor, MI and begin our journey.

So there it is: The Pan-American Dream!

Everyone can help make this dream possible in a number of ways:

1.  You can make a pledge or "Back Our Project" on Our Kickstarter Page.  A minimum pledge is $5 and if we get enough people to support, that $5 will go a long way.

2.  If you can't make a donation at this time, you can help us by following our blog, Twitter, Facebook, and Youtube while sharing with your friends.

3.  And one of the biggest ways you can help our dream is to simply believe in it.  Positive energy goes a long way.  This can be done with attitude and word choice.  For example, if you tell a friend about us, don't say, "Check out what they want to do," or "Check out what they're trying to do."  Instead, say something like, "LOOK AT WHAT THESE TWO ARE DOING," or "THEY'RE MAKING IT HAPPEN!"

If you have an idea, project, dream, or goal on your mind, I encourage you to create your own Kickstarter project and make it happen!

Thank you for reading!!!

Change in Facebook: The New Update + Apples

I Like apples, okay. I might even include my liking of apples as an Interest in my Facebook Profile, okay. Worst-case scenario, I may cry out for help when feeling blue with a Status Update that says, 'I like apples!'

BUT, I'm not gonna create a Page or a Group to express my Interest for apples.

The new Facebook update has destroyed my Interests in the simple pleasures of life: such as apples. I can no longer tell the world with my Profile that I simply like apples… I must have a Page on my Profile that says, 'I LIKE APPLES.' Then, I could gather Fans from all around the world who like apples too! Facebook could help me gather statistics from all other Fans of apples. And if I reach 1,000,000 Fans for my liking of apples, I would start planting apple trees everywhere…

I worked hard on my Facebook Profile, okay…

4 years of belligerent college photos, 2 years of ‘WTF I'm outta college what do I do with my life now’ Status Updates, and 6 years of acquiring hypothetical Interests and trying to figure out who I am and what the internets are... and for what? So Facebook can turn all my Interests and most intimate hobbies into Pages with its newest update! Come on!

You can say I'm not a Fan of the new Facebook update... But hey, things change… for better or for worse… But, I really don't care enough about it to spend my internet efforts rallying '1,000,000 Against the New Facebook Update.’ I could care less… I’ll settle for a new profile and spend the unnecessary time venting through this blog post.

So check out my Facebook Profile and meet the new me: One with very few interests, no political or religious views, no sarcastic profile responses, and my support for random Pages, half of which I don’t even know what they’re about.

Cheers!

[These are Faceapples.  They're prototypes for the next Facebook update.  I'm the apple on the right because I will not support this next update.]

Change in Detroit Public Schools: A Day of Alternative Education

I was at Central High School today, Detroit’s oldest high school, to participate in “A Day of Alternative Education.” Hundreds of students gathered in the auditorium for a screening of the feature documentary film Our School, an exploration of Detroit’s diverse education and institutions, the crisis they face, and the students and staff who suffer and thrive. The film interweaves the experience of one day in Detroit Public Schools, capturing the students’ frustration and anger with the present, and their hope for the future.

After the screening, students discussed the film in small groups tackling the core issues of the film, their own frustration at school, and possible solutions for positive change.

Following the discussions, students participated in one of several diverse workshops, including leadership training, entrepreneurial skills, sustainable gardening, music production, poetry, and more, all lead by volunteers from the community.  It was great to be surrounded by so many people concerned for their community and and see their passion and actions towards creating positive change.

My friend James and I we’re teaching a workshop on stop-motion animation.  We saw the students' enthusiasm grow as their animation progressed.  By the end of the day, several students we're voicing their desire for more educational opportunities like this, a need that must be met by the school systems and community. 

The event was organized by Oren Goldenberg, Director/Cinematographer/Producer of Our School. You can learn more about the film, organizing a screening, see the trailer, and get tickets to the premiere at: www.ourschoolproductions.com

The film premieres at the Burton Theatre
at 3240 Cass Ave, Detroit, MI 48201 on

May 5th, 2010 at 8:30pm

Additional Screenings:

May 7th: 8:00 pm

Ma7 8th: 5:00 + 8:00pm

May 9th: 2:00pm

Change at the Party: Move a Car with Your Bare Hands!

Wow! Look at this guy! Someone take a photo, quick! Okay World’s Strongest Man, say, “Cheese!” That was a Kodak moment for sure. Okay, you can put the car down…

Whew! As unlikely as it may seem, this guy and I share a few affinities: We both like acts that are ridiculous in nature and we both like moving cars by hand.

I’m going to discuss the latter…

It’s possible that this guy has wanted to move cars by hand ever since he was a little boy the size of his current bicep… It’s possible that he’s been training his whole life, devoting the majority of his time to the over development of his muscles so that one day, his dream of moving a car with his hands would come true…

When I was a little boy, I played soccer. There are two things I remember my coaches saying:

1. You’re white trash.

I was about 12 years old when I was playing on a premiere league in another, more “affluent,” suburban community. One day at practice, the trainer called me “white trash.” When my mom and I brought this up to the head coach, the trainer said he was only kidding. He may have been an okay trainer but he was a poor comedian. I quit the team a week later to spare myself the poor humor.

2. There is no “I” in “Team.”

I heard this from several coaches throughout my soccer years. Cliché as it is, the possibilities of teamwork are incredible. An individual has the potential to accomplish great things… like change the position of a car with their bare hands… But a good team can accomplish the same task much more efficiently.

This point was proven last weekend when I was at a house party. A friend was trying to leave but his car was blocked in by a large Taurus. We asked around the party to find the owner but no luck…

Now most people may have accepted defeat at this point…

I, however, have been fortunate enough to see the potential of a Group of People Vs. a Car. In the past, a friend backed over a curb during winter and the middle of the car body was hanging over a small ledge. She gathered 6-8 dudes, including myself, and together, we were able to pick one end of the car up and swing it back onto the parking lot. The moment the car lifted off the ground we were all surprised and thrilled with self and group empowerment!

Now I’m back at the party and I’m trying to gather 6-8 people asking everyone, “Who wants to move a car?! Okay, put that beer down and let’s go!” It was difficult to rally people up at first… There were several people who were doubtful… But, “One…Two…Three,” we lifted and the car started moving. Together, it took about 7 people 3 attempts to shift a Taurus out of the drive way far enough for my friend to get out. Every participant was thrilled- especially, those doubtful at first. Immediately after, I heard people on their phone, “Dude, WE JUST MOVED A FUCKING CAR! WITH OUR HANDS!”

Let’s summarize:

1. Both the World’s Strongest Man and Myself like to move cars by hand.

2. Both the World’s Strongest Man and a Group of People can move a car. I prefer the latter approach.

3. The World’s Strongest Man must train for years to prepare and accomplish this task. A Group of People can be ready in about 5 minutes.

4. The World’s Strongest Man uses drugs like steroids to help him achieve the task. A Group of People can be intoxicated with alcohol and other drugs and still move a car.

5. When the World’s Strongest Man moves a car, the accomplishment is only shared with himself and his muscles. When a Group of People move a car, everyone high-fives and shares the joy of their accomplishment.

It’s unfortunate how the media and our society focus so much on individual feats and accomplishments. Professional athletes get paid a ridiculous salary for their exceptional physical skills. In politics, it seems we expect one President to change the world for the better. As we watch abnormally strong individuals pick up cars, refrigerators, boulders, and other tasks lacking utility, we feel more powerless and forget that we too have great potential, especially if we work together.

Nearly anything is possible. Everyone has potential. Individuals can combine their energy to do amazing things. The power of teamwork is incredible!

If you’re feeling down and depressed, it is often from the result of feeling powerless. A great way to empower yourself is to simply pick up a car and move it with a bunch of your friends. It may be a little stupid... But trust me, you will feel empowered by the possibilities of what teamwork can do. Then, take that energy towards a more useful goal in the future!

Make Change. Just Do It!

-Lazer

Change in Environmental Film: Art + Poetry = Effective Message

[If you don’t read this blog post, I won’t mind. But please watch the short film Plastic Bag narrated by Werner Herzog. I’ve included it at the bottom of this post. It is incredible. Period.]

“Hey you! You wasteful consumer! Watch this film I made! I’m gonna show you a bunch of heightened or ambiguous facts about your unsustainable lifestyle! You are blowing it for the future of our planet! Change your lifestyle now!”

This is the imagined voice I hear when I watch several poorly made environmental films. You’ve all seen them: The PSA that you forget 30 seconds later or the awful post-apocalyptic feature film that you wish was only 30 seconds.

Or, it may not even be an environmental film. It may be Avatar in 3-D IMAX where you have a bunch of humans in robot suits destroying beautiful landscapes and its native people for a precious resource: UNOBTAINIUM!

Come on James Cameron! These generic scenarios lack effectiveness of an environmental message. But I guess that wasn’t the point. The point of the film was to spend $280,000,000 to make a bunch of cool looking 3-D stuff.

Anywho, as a filmmaker with a concern for the environment, I ask, “How do you make a good environmental film?” Several people, including myself, make environmental films but I see very few that are truly exceptional.

First, let’s start with a simple definition:

Environmental Film – A film/video whose primary subject is the natural environment, or an issue concerning the environment.

(For this discussion, an environmental film includes PSAs, films, videos, television, and online media of any length.)

In most cases, if you figure out what is bad first, it is much easier to figure out what is good.

So what makes an environmental film bad?

1. The presentation. The subject (content) may be important, and may be interesting too, but the material’s presentation (form) is poor. A lot of filmmaker’s engage with their subject but fail to engage creatively with the filmic medium itself. The result: A film lacking originality or interest.

2. The tone. Environmental films can have an overbearing tone. Instead of presenting a subject to the audience, the film turns the audience into the subject, attacking our guilt for the issue at hand. Even if our actions are at fault, this is an ineffective way to promote change. A film can try to tell us what to do, but it cannot hear our response. So instead of responding, we quickly dismiss it.

3. The audience. Both presentation and tone influences the audience of an environmental film. If the presentation is too dry, scientists may be the only ones who will bore themselves. If the tone is too strong, environmentalists may be the only ones who can tolerate it.

4. The message. I believe the purpose of environmental films is to raise awareness and promote positive change for the issue at hand. But if the film has already failed in its presentation and tone, and failed to find an audience, then the message, no matter how important, has failed to make an impact.

Okay, so it seems that environmental films have at least four components: presentation, tone, an audience, and a message.

And a good environmental film should successfully convey its message to an audience. It should promote awareness and encourage change.  Now how do you do that? Well, that’s tricky. If there was a formulaic answer, I’d be off making excellent environmental films and not thinking of it.

Instead of an answer, let’s look at 2 case studies of successful and exceptional environmental films…

1. Planet Earth.

This 11 episode television series premiered in 2006. It was the most expensive environmental documentary to be commissioned by the BBC and took 4 years to complete.

The presentation of Planet Earth is incredible. It’s subject: 11 different habitats from all over the globe. The photography (form) may be more fascinating at times then the habitats themselves (content). High-speed photography and complex camera moves provide unique views of landscapes and wildlife.

The tone of Planet Earth is casual and objective. The narration is merely descriptive. There is no address to the viewer, or guilt tripping of any sort.

The message of Planet Earth is also subtle. After watching 11 breathtaking episodes, the viewer has a greater awareness and perhaps appreciation for the global environment. At the very least, it is an entertaining and unforgettable document of nature.

You may not volunteer to protect marine life after watching Planet Earth… However, I believe that if one wants to get stoned and watch a great white shark eat a seal in super slow-motion… that is still one step forward. Appreciation must come first.

2. Plastic Bag. A short film.

This film is the reason for this post. I saw it a month ago when it made its online premiere and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.

Plastic Bag by writer/director Ramin Bahrani is a poetic triumph. The film personifies a plastic bag that wanders a long existential journey in search of its maker. It starts with its “first breath” at the grocery store and ventures all the way to the “Vortex,” a plastic utopia in the middle of the ocean. The plastic bag’s voice is narrated by none other than Werner Herzog. Bahrani’s regular collaborator, cinematographer Michael Simmonds, creates powerful images that strike an emotional cord with their raw simplicity. An elegant score from Sigur Ros’ Kjartan Sveinsson accompanies the visual beauty. Moments of light humor ground the film from any pretension. 

First and foremost, Plastic Bag succeeds as a short film and a work of art. Furthermore, it succeeds as an environmental film. Its message is clear and direct: We live in a disposable society that is creating a serious problem of plastic pollution. But Bahrani never attempts to address this issue directly. Instead, he turns the issue into a character, a plastic bag, and seeks to tell a great story of that character with every element of the filmic medium. He creates a great film first, that happens to appeal to a broad audience, and coincidentally carries a strong environmental message.

I believe making art and poetry is one of the most effective means for change and that this film creates a new direction for environmental film. Enjoy!

Plastic Bag is one of eleven short environmental films that make up the online series Futurestates presented by PBS’ ITVS (The Independent Television Service). I’ve only started watching a few of the other shorts. After Plastic Bag, my expectations were high and could not be met. One of the other shorts fell into the cliché post-apocalyptic scenario and I stopped watching.